Moving On!

Everything is happening here at ‘The Catholic Church PLC’.

Our managing director has handed in his notice and quit. Which is quite unusual as traditionally we have to kill them or wait for them to die before we get a new one!

But unlike most marriages, he doesn’t get the house or get to keep the ring. Like all exes he has to sit back and watch the new man move into to his house and sleep in his bed, while he has to make do with a much smaller pad!

Speaking of marriages, we are not changing our view on them. Marriage is for a man and woman to have children and be miserable. Once you’ve signed on the dotted line, there’s no going back!

And definitely none of this abnormal gay marriage stuff! We here at the Catholic Church PLC don’t like gay people who are happy, content and out! We like our gays to be miserable, repressed and closeted, or Priests as we prefer to call them!

Just why do gay people want to join our firm when we clearly show them how much we dislike them? It’s like black people wanting to join the Klu Klux Klan! It’s just pointless.

Then there’s all this fuss about the abuse in our church. Well people go on about it, but they don’t say how many have gone on to make successful career writing about their experiences with us. It’s easy to talk about the negatives like evil nuns and paedophile priests who, to be fair, were good with the kids. But no one talks about the millions of unwanted births we have forced people to have, do they? Now does that sound like a company that’s not in touch with the people?

We are having the publicity people in to give us a makeover and bring us up to date; we have already thought about our new advertising slogan - ‘Thirteenth Century Ideas for the Twenty-First Century!’ Catchy, don’t you think?

So we might be losing credibility for our beliefs, our ways and our actions, but you have to admit we know how to deflect the criticism, just by having an old guy in Rome quit his job!