Honest, I swear!

Today, I want to talk about something close to my heart -  my ribs!

Just kidding.

This week, an old lady stopped me to say that she was a fan of my blog. I was taken aback that such a sweet old thing would read my ranting. Her hair was grey and thinning; her smile revealed gaps where teeth once lived. She pulled her coat up about her neck to fend off the cold as she smiled and said, “The only thing I don’t like about your blog is that you seem to swear a lot.”

I told her to “Fuck Off!”

Of course, this story is not true (or is it?) but it proves my point. When you read that, you either gasped with shock or burst out laughing. Or if you were my mate Mick you would have said, “Quite right! Interfering old bat!”

There is nothing wrong with swearing, as long as it’s used for effect. This can be for comedy or anger; it emphasises the point.

I’m not talking about the mindless foul-mouthed babble heard from the back seats of buses. Where young people try to show just how grown up they are to ‘Eff and Jeff’. I’m talking about a well-placed naughty word just to liven up a conversation.

It has to be said that, with some of my friends, I too can slip into mindless babble mode. A few have asked if they can visit schools with me to see what I do. I have never ever sworn in a school, well not since leaving school that is. If I were to see their faces I would slip into "out speak" and probably never work again, so best not.

The Irish have a lovely way of swearing and making it sound almost poetic, ’Feck me!’ is a phrase often heard in Irish bars. And one of my favourite Irish phrases is, ’You little gobshite!’  Just how good is that?

So I’m advocating a "bring a swear word to work" day. This is for all the people who are faced with a pile of shit given to them by the public.

On Monday the 18^th of March you can bring a swear word to work and use it for the day.

Can you imagine what fun you would have if you worked in a call centre?

“Hello is this Overpriced Insurance Inc?”

“Yes it is. What the fuck do you want?”

I would buy insurance off someone who said that to me, rather than the irritating, “Have a nice day!”

Or what if you were a teacher calling the register,

“Samson?”

“Sir”

“Slanting?”

“Sir”

“Smith? Smith, where is the little twat?!”

Wouldn’t you love that teacher for life? I would!

So who will join with me to start a campaign for "bring a swear word to work day"? The 18^th March every year from now on.

Now fuck off, I’m off to make a coffee!