Divine Madness!

I received an email this week from a lady who had read this blog in the hope that it would be an extension of my school visits. It's not! She felt the need to email me, telling me that this blog is not suitable for children. She's right, it's not! She also asked me why I feel the need to ridicule religion. I think religion does a pretty good job of ridiculing itself without my help. She also went on to say that the reason that I feel the need to mock religion is because I'm scared of God! I'm not scared of God, I'm scared of the people who believe in God!

Firstly, this blog is not about mocking religion, but it is subtitled 'The World Of Walsh'. It's about my take on the world. Some of the posts are serious, some, I hope, are thought-provoking, while others are just plain old stupidity. I started to write this blog as a response to countless people who asked if I wrote things for adults. I knew that this could cause problems for me as I have a big following from school children. I must point out that I'm not the only writer that writes for both adults and for children. I have to say that it is not my job to police what your children read on the internet, either.

My school visits are a mixture of silly stories and slightly rude poems. I don't think I could use these for an adult audience, although I also have quite a big adult following for my books. I don't want to patronise people. I just want to do what I always have done, and that is speak my mind.

I have, of late, tried to steer away from the religious stuff, as it has become quite boring for me. I used to enter into debates about religion but it became very tedious listening to people spouting texts from various religious books and me replying with the same answers.

If God is of such a vast intellect, if he can create life and universes, then why when faced with problems here on Earth, problems I may add that were in no way as evil or as vile as the atrocities that have happened since, didn't he do something about it, there and then? When faced with these heinous acts he thought he must save mankind, but the only way he could do this was to send his son down as a human sacrifice? Is this the mind of a superior intellect, or has it come from the minds of primitive people? The sort of people who throw others into a volcano in the hope that this will appease the fire-gods! Why didn't Jesus tell humans about germs? He could have saved far more lives! Of course the reason for all this is that all religious books were written by primitive people who only knew about the world they inhabited, unless you are a Mormon, in which case your book was written by a convicted conman.

If your God is so powerful, why does he need young disaffected men and women to go and blow themselves up, together with other innocent people, because they are not living an abnormal life that he has dictated to them. I get quoted lots of things from religious texts, some of them make sense but these will have been cherry-picked, because all religious books are beyond rational belief and rely on blind faith. People can deny that the atrocities that have happened both in Belgian and Pakistan this week have nothing to do with religion, but they do! The people that are committing the acts are being used by political puppet-masters, but they are committing the acts because they believe it is what their God wants! They, too, cherry-pick what they want to believe, their book like all other religious books are one size fits all!

We also have politicians here in Britain spouting about Christian values? Which ones do we want? Burning witches and gays? What about the one where we send people into eternal damnation for not following the word? I distrust politicians who hide behind the mask of religion. It doesn't make you righteous, in my eyes it makes you dangerous. Cameron stated among his Christian values the word 'charity'. This always gets me angry when people try this old con. Charity is a way of governments relinquishing their obligation to the people they serve. When they talk about charity is this the same charity that offers tax cuts to the rich while cutting the benefits to the most vunerable in society? Is this why they are trying to privatise education through the back door? Creating academies will lead to prosperous schools being snapped up leaving the struggling schools to die. Again we have this Tory nonsense about having a fairer, better Britain, but it is only fairer and better if you are a banker!

I had to laugh when Ian Dunkin Doughnut quit his job because of a turn of conscience. He was about to be pushed anyway. He has set himself up to join Boris the Bad and bring down the government so he can rise, Phoenix-like, from the ashes. So they can become an even more dreadful government than the one we have now, if that's possible.

What happened to the Labour Party? They seem to have vanished! This could be one of a few reasons. They might not be getting the print in the right wing press for the fear that Stalin will rise from his grave and attack our Christian values. It could be that the Tories are destroying themselves and don't need any help from outside sources. Or it could be, as it was when I was younger, they are sitting around discussing what should be done but not doing it! I had high hopes for Corbyn, I thought he would alter the ego politics we have become so used to, and I still hope he can change things. But people don't want his style of politics, they want slime and empty promises. They love a lottery, a chance of life-changing action but you know really that it's not going to happen. Even my computer doesn't like Corbyn It alters his name whenever I type it in, adding extra 'y's and an 'L; for some reason.

So I hope the lady who didn't like this blog has another read, and enters into a debate with me to prove me wrong. My next post will be a light-hearted post I promise.

Vladimir Putin Reads My Blog (Possibly)

As a writer, my aim is to get as many people as possible to read my work. I'm not bothered whether people agree with me or not, I want my work to be the starting point of a discussion. The outcome is always better than the starting point when it comes to debate, because all sides have their say and all sides usually do have valid points.

I was amused and relieved this week when just after posting my last blog saying that all sides should stop bombing and start debating the future of Syria, and stating that Russia wouldn't want to do this, Putin announced that he was to stop bombing and start talks about how to move forward. He must have read my blog. There can be no other reason for this... I know he now has a naval port in the Mediterranean plus an air base, and I know that all the other Arab dictators in the region like his style and would be happy to talk to him. We in the west have been more worried about our own interests in the middle east to solve the problem. While Putin went in, threw his weight around, dictated what he was going to do, got bored with Assad, used him for his own means, and now has the ears of most of the middle east! I don't think I told him to do that any of my previous blogs, but I did advise him to stop bombing innocent people, though!

You see, unlike politicians, I like to lay claim to positives, but I don't lay blame on others unless they are to blame.

I do wonder sometimes who reads my blogs, as they are a mish-mash of sentiment, politics, and downright rudeness. I think it's safe to say that I'm not to bothered about who gets upset about what I write, though that is not my intention. I despise the so-called 'trolls' on the web. I put my name and face to everything I write, my intention is to give my point of view and hope that others agree, if not they are willing to debate. The best thing about social media is that it has given people a voice, though it's sad that some just use it to shout abuse. I know through my stats on my blog that I get lots of people reading my posts in both America and in Russia, Putin obviously being one of them. The beauty of the internet is that ordinary people get to say what they think and feel, and we don't have to listen to the spin of the politicians.

All we know about other countries is what the media tells us, and the media is always owned by someone with a point of view, so it's hard to be objective. People in America talk about the dirty politics of Russia, which, of course, is true. Politics is dirty whichever country you live in. Talking of dirty, I notice that Forrest Trump is still going from strength to strength. He's like a buoyant turd that is impossible to flush away! This is a man that uses money and dangerous, soundbite politics to get his way. Obama this week did an interview where he was thoughtful and reflective about his term in office. He admitted that he let politics get in the way of him serving the people. He has, however, made reforms such as healthcare for the poor, which will save millions of lives. While here in Britain we have slasher Osborne who feeds the rich and starves the poor. Give them a small tax break and dismantle the safety net is his mantra. The Americans should be under no illusion that Trump will be like a capitalist cancer: he will feed off the nation until it is weak!

So now that I have got Putin reading my blog, could George Osborne please also read this part of my blog, and stop cutting the benefits of the poor and disabled. Admit that you haven't really given anything to relieve the misery of the floods, as one hundred and fifty million for the whole of Yorkshire is less than the money originally offered just for York and you are raising the money by putting a levy on the insurers, who will then pass it on to the whole of the nation, so this is just another stealth tax! Donald Trump, if you are reading this, please step down. If you do care about your country, use your money to help someone who really does want to make changes and make America the superpower it once was again.

And for any teachers, librarians, festival organisers out there reading this. BOOK ME! BUY MY BOOKS! I'm quite cute and cuddly when I'm not writing blogs!

Welcome to the Real Twilight Zone!

The Twilight Zone is a place where strange things can happen, a place populated by the odd and the unsavoury. To be honest, the real world can out-twilight any zone!

In the political twilight zone at the moment we have strange things happening, both here in Britain and over the pond in America. The catalyst for this strange change can be traced back to George 'bomb them' Bush, Attila the Hun's right wing cousin, in America. Here in Britain we had St Tony of Blair, the saviour of the middle classes, Thatcher's favourite son. These two were so successful that other political parties thought that they must emulate them to have any chance of being in power. This created 'empty suit politics', a world where there was only one mantra, 'fuck the poor!'

This ideology reigned supreme for quite a while, until people became weary of the status quo and wanted change. Here in Britain, we had a complete makeover of the Labour party. This used to be the party of the people, until St Tony took over. A shock defeat was inflicted on the suits when one J. Corbyn, Esquire took over the reigns. He was an old throwback to the 'seventies, a left wing radical with principles. The right-wing press press suffered from anaphalactic shock, and started a scare campaign, telling the great unwashed that they had no intelligence voting in such a man and he would bring down all civilisation just by stroking his beard! Well, not quite, but they were working up to this. 

But unfortunately all that happened is that the Labour party seem to have shut up shop and disappeared! There is no mention of them in the media any more. What we have now is the Tory party trying to get that loveable scamp Boris the buffoon into power. You know the guy: he's so loveable, the way he bullies people in private, telling them how to think and what to say. You know who I mean? The guy who has decided to go against his party's line on Europe, not because of a strongly held conviction to get us out of Europe, but because he's gambling on a second referendum so he can get a better deal to stay in Europe, thus undermining Dr Bland, sorry D, Cameron, Esquire, and becoming the leader of his party! People are warming to Johnson, not because he's a political genius, but because he seems to have some semblance of a personality, even if it's one that the average rattlesnake would be ashamed of!

Meanwhile, over in the states, they have two surprises, as with here in Britain. They have two candidates that no one thought had any chance just a few months ago, but who now are possible contenders. I make no excuses about my political beliefs. I have been a lifelong socialist, it is genetically ingrained in my DNA. I believe in a fair free society where all people have an equal chance to succeed in life, no matter what their background, gender, race or sexual preference. Communism has been proven not to work, capitalism also has been proven not to work, so why not meet in the middle? So when the press in America describe Bernie Sanders as 'left wing,' it makes me laugh. He would be a moderate Liberal here in Britain. But I for one would vote for him if I lived in the States - you can't trust the Clintons!

But the thing that is very disturbing is the rise of 'Forest Trump'. What in the name of...? Come on, guys, you have had your fun - now let's get serious. We Brits have had our differences with you Americans in the past, but on the whole we are like dysfunctional siblings; we don't get on, but we do have a lot in common, so we tend to stick together. But you cannot be thinking on releasing the combover onto the world's stage? Wasn't Krusty the clown available? This is what happens when you have boring politics for years. This is what happens when people get fed up of not being listened to! Ask the Germans, they fell for the same thing back in the 'thirties! When people want change, they have a knee-jerk reaction and vote for something that is totally different to what they already have.

On the world front, the twilight zone is getting even more weird, as Europe is paying Turkey to keep refugees on 'remand' in their country. No doubt they will build large inhumane holding pens for theses people who are fleeing from tyranny! I have been on holiday to Turkey, and that was more than enough for me. I wouldn't want to be trapped there - it wasn't that much fun when I was just holidaying there! If you want to help the refugees, then sort out the problems in their homeland and you won't have this crisis. All the big boys need to get around a table with the other countries in the area and talk about how to stop the religious imbeciles and lunatic dictators from destroying lives! I know Russia won't want to be any part of this; that's because no one wants to go there. The refugees may be fleeing for their lives but they aren't that desperate that they want to live under Putin! We need to stop punishing and demonizing the innocents, and go after the guilty ones. Give the people of Syria their country back!

And finally, on a happier note, I have noticed in the media this week  a lovely little story of how a Brazilian man nursed a little penguin after it had been covered in oil. His patience was rewarded when he finally released the little bird back into the wild. But in a twist of nature, and in true twilight zone fashion, the little bird now makes a five thousand mile pilgrimage every year to come back to visit its saviour. What a lovely story....

You know I can't leave it there! Penguins are migratory birds, and the little penguin will make the trip to the beach where it was found covered in oil every year. The man that nursed the bird back to life no doubt fed it well so it has learned that where he lives is quite a good feeding ground. This isn't a story of inter-species love, but nothing more than animal behaviour. But because there is no good news here in the twilight zone I will say that this last story has brought happiness not only to the old man who nursed the penguin, but to all of us that read the story!

Now, in more mundane news, a dog with six heads has been found skateboarding down the back of the Statue of Liberty ...

Sky-Diving With No Pants!

I love dreaming. As a rule, my dreams are mostly happy or just downright weird! I think I have only awoken in a cold sweat just once in my life, and that was many years ago!

As a child, I once watched a film called 'Jason and the Argonauts'. As in all good Greek myths, the people tasked with the journey encountered lots of trials and monsters. One of these was a group of skeletons that rose out of the ground to fight the sailors. Any man of a certain age knows of this film and of this moment. To watch it now is quite embarrassing, because the special effects look so feeble, but at the time they were cutting-edge.

That night, with the thought of this epic battle still fresh in my young fertile mind,I fell asleep, only to find myself walking through a graveyard looking for my parents. Without warning, a skeletal hand shot from the ground and proceeded to drag me into the grave. I tried everything to release the grip of this bony clutch, but to no avail, as I slowly sank deeper and deeper into the dank, dark earth! I had never encountered fear as terrifying as I did during that dream ever in my life, and have never encountered a fear so deep and emotional ever since. Needless to say, I awoke from the dream covered in sweat and in a deeply disturbed state. I dared not fall asleep for weeks after in case I were to relive the dream, I never did.

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you will be aware that I'm one of life's cynics. I do like proof. So I'm more than a little wary of people who claim to be able to read your dreams. I think dreams are things you have encountered/thought of during the day, all just getting the rapid eye movement make over. These 'dream whisperers' or whatever they are called say that there's a reason why we have certain dreams. If you dream of flying, some dream whisperers claim its a sign that you may feel insecure. I don't believe that for a moment! I have always, ever since I was young, wanted to fly. The thought of just running and jumping into the air and taking off to pastures new is for me a wonderful dream. I often think about how it must feel to be able to fly, I'm not really the insecure type.

A friend of mine claimed that he once dreamed that he was being followed around by a twelve foot high chicken. No matter how he tried to get rid of it, nothing would deter it from following him. The huge bird didn't menace him, attack him or even look at him, it just followed him. He decided in his dream that the best way to get rid of it was to ignore it, but it wouldn't go away. I know that this is open to lots of interpretations, but my friend claims that the best interpretation is that he was being followed by a twelve foot high chicken!

The reason that I'm telling you this is because the other evening, I dreamed that I jumped out of an aeroplane from a ridiculously high height. While plummeting towards the earth at breakneck speed, I could feel that I was unusually cold around my nether regions. On looking down I realised that for some reason I wasn't wearing anything on my bottom half. I really had gone 'Commando'. Now I know that this should be a source of shame or anxiety, but it was quite the opposite. As I hurtled through the air with my little man-servant bobbing in the wind, I couldn't help but laugh. The most shocking thing was just how real the feeling of flying through the air felt. I could feel the cold and found it hard to breathe as the air rushed up my nose. I could feel the weightlessness as I spun as I fell. I felt exhilarated and laughed uncontrollably as the Earth loomed ever closer. I didn't land on the ground, but found myself landing in a blue crystal-clear sea. 

Lots of other people landed around me, but they immediately released their parachutes on landing. I knew I had to keep my parachute on and swim to land, the thought being that we would all need food later, and my parachute would act as a giant trawler net to catch us all a fish supper. As you can imagine, I struggled to swim ashore, dragging the huge parachute behind me. I'm sure that I would have made it had I not received an elbow to my nose. This was no dream, little Harleigh was sleeping at our house and was in our bed. She doesn't move slowly or stealthy while sleeping - like all three year olds, she has the reflexes of a leopard. She had spun round in bed and hit me square on the nose!

So, I don't know how the dream ended. Unlike my 'Jason and the Argonauts' dream, I have been trying to fall asleep to relive my trouserless sky dive. I want to know how it ended! If I made everyone a fish supper, and just who 'everyone' was?

As for all you 'dream whisperers' out there, I tell a story on my school visits to secondary schools about window cleaners catching me by surprise when I was just getting out of the bath. I had been talking to my son on the phone about sky diving, and had watched a program about trawlermen, So make of this story what you will. I just want to know how I can get back into it!