Them Bones, Them Bones!

Here in Britain, we have recently found a king in a car park! No, this isn't some salacious tabloid headline, he had been buried there hundreds of years ago. I don't think it was a Mafia hit, or that it was a car park at the time.

So let's get all the jokes out of the way before we carry on, shall we? When they found King Richard's body and stuck him in a box, he was heard to be shouting. “A hearse, a hearse, my kingdom for a hearse!” Leicester city council have hit him with a ten thousand pound parking charge! Thank you folks, I'm here all week - bring the kids!

I think the detective work to find the body is quite interesting, but the sight of the morbidly stupid queuing for four hours to pay homage to a pile of bones is beyond comprehension! Have they not read any history books? OK we know that history is to the victor, but even if he didn't kill his nephews in a Shakespearean plot, he was still, like all royalty, a dictator who was responsible for thousands of deaths, because of his vanity and greed.

Life in his time was short and could be quite brutal. His reign, like all kings and queens, did nothing for the ordinary people of Britain, just the same as with the present monarchy. Lots of people lost their lives in brutal battles to feed his thirst for power. So the sight of happy clappy types carrying white roses to lay on a box of bones belonging to a murdering despot seems like an act of stupidity to me. How come he's not ended up on a table in an archaeological department somewhere? That's what happens to all the other bones that are dug up in this country: well, either there, or a forensic lab!

Who has paid for this bone-fest? We, the great unwashed are being squeezed all the time by our government. We are told that the disabled and the vulnerable are having their benefits cut and yet we are all concerned about a pile of bones! Is it me or is there something wrong with our thinking here?

I did like the news that the only living relative of Richard III, THIS TIME IT'S SPINAL! (Sorry,I couldn't help that one) was a carpenter living in Dudley West Midlands. If you're not from Britain, Dudley is a place where kings and queens have lived for generations. It a place of great beauty that I must urge you that if you visit Britain you must pay a visit to Dudley. If you're from Britain, its quite funny, isn't it, that the lineage of a king would end up cutting up wood in Dudley?

I suppose we all have someone famous related to us if we dig back far enough, I just hope that I don't have any royal connections. Being of Irish and Italian descent, I don't think there's much chance of that happening to me. I am related to the Fortes though. If you don't now who they are, they own Trust house Forte and Welcome Breaks and lots of other concerns. The woman who does the hotel inspector program on TV is a member of the Forte family. I can't remember her name, or be bothered looking it up.

So even in my family one branch has gone on to bigger and better things, while one side has ended up writing dodgy books and bitter blogs!

Back to the royals, I recently visited a wonderful school in the Midlands. I won't mention the name of the school, but I will say that they have created a wonderful place of learning for lots of young people who find life tough. They are so good at what they do that they have won recognition for their work. So, as a thank you, do you know what they got? A visit from a minor royal. This royal is so far down the pecking order that even a direct hit on Buckingham palace with a nuclear bomb wouldn't put him in line for the throne! But they did send out secret police to check that all was safe for his visit. They did check me out because I was visiting on the same day! I hope they read the blog (probably still reading it!). They didn't come out to the school once, but several times. Why? I had never heard of this person, why do we have to pay for such rubbish? And why didn't they send Bear Grylls to the school instead, as all the kids would have been over the moon from a visit by him. This Duke or whatever title he holds didn't even spend time with the kids. His loss! The staff and the pupils there are wonderful company.

I think the British love affair and the American love affair with royalty is bizarre, we are having all our budgets slashed yet we waste millions and millions of pounds on an old woman and her ever increasing family.

I wonder if its against the law to call yourself, 'His highness'? What the hell does that mean anyway? Highness? Is it because she stands on a ladder? Or lives on a mountain? It's just another of those creepy things that royal worshippers like to say. 

My new book is called "Death's Door", out soon from the King's England Press, order your copy now! I am seriously thinking of putting my name on the book as his royal highness prince Gez of Huddersfield. I think it would increase sales!