The Great Royal Rip-Off!

Just in case you have been eating Rohypnol burgers for the last nine months, two posh people have just downloaded their offspring.

The Daily Mail usually makes a big deal about Eastern Europeans coming over here and sponging off the state, even though most of them work harder than us Brits.

But for some reason these Eastern Europeans are more than welcome. Not only that, we don’t seem to mind spending millions of pounds on them and giving them the biggest houses in Britain - all free of course.

They will never have to work, and why should they, because the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha family changed their name to claim more benefits; they are now called the Windsors after one of the castles we gave them! 

I hope the baby is fit and well - who wouldn’t wish that for any child being born? Well it seems that we ordinary mortals don’t count. Our hospitals are being under-funded and overrun. Leeds children’s heart surgery unit is to be closed; our schools are under-staffed and over-subscribed. But it doesn’t matter! This little baby will get the best of everything, because it had the good fortune to be born into a family of inbred parasites!

Was that a little too harsh? Well the gene pool of the aristocrats of Britain is so in-bred that husband and wife usually have seating for one side of the family at weddings, there is no other side!

The royals have for centuries married other countries royals and aristos, even the Queen and Phil the Greek are cousins.  As for them being parasites, well what do they do?

Now there is a rather strange argument that people put forward to keep the royals, they are great for trade and tourism. The trade argument is very thin indeed; people do not buy British goods because we have royalty! They buy them because they are good and value for money. A royal visit to another country doesn’t bring in orders, politics brings in orders.

The tourism argument is also very flawed, as it has never been proven by anyone that the royals are the main attraction for people to visit this beautiful island of ours. I have never heard of tourists meeting the Queen, nor having trips around the places. They come to see the buildings and the pomp and ceremony we the taxpayers put on for them.

We bang on about democracy and all people are born equal here in Britain but how can you justify this when you have an unelected political party as the head of state? And how we all can be born equal when they are born into state-paid wealth?

The royals are a political party, before you start foaming at the mouth, Daily Mail readers. They handed only part of their power over to parliament. The queen still refers to ’My Government’ and she still hold a veto over what can and can’t be passed in parliament.

The presses coverage of the baby fiasco was nonsense. It was a free advert for the royals PLC. All they had to do was announce the birth and that’s it, but instead we have had to endure days of pure waffle from people desperately trying to fill space. Where was the real news?

What is happening in Syria? The Middle East is potentially where the next world war will start and we were devoting all our news to a baby that wasn’t even born!

I know the Americans love the royal family, but trust me, if they had to pay for them they would be the first to scream and shout, they didn’t even want to pay for free health care for the poor!

And I know there are lots of us Brits that can’t get enough of the royals, well that’s fine, if the royals can do a Katie Price and sell stories about themselves each day to pay for their upkeep I have no problem with that, I won't buy the magazines about them or have to pay for them anymore, I’d say that’s a win-win situation!

The Queen seems a nice enough old lady. I have no problem with her personally, just what she stands for. My Grandmother was an exceptional old lady who worked hard all her life, but didn’t get a castle for it.

It is often said that in years to come there will only be five kings and queens left in the world, Hearts, Diamonds, Clubs, Spades and of Britain. Unfortunately I think this will probably be true!