Holiday Heist!

Psychologists now believe that grumpy old men were in fact once grumpy young men. People, it seems, do not get grumpier as they get older - it’s just that their grumpiness gets more noticeable.

I have to agree with this. When I was younger, I moaned and complained and marched and argued about everything. I was known as an ‘Angry Young Man’. Now I’m of an age and still doing the same things I’m known as a ‘Grumpy Old Man!’

Nothing has changed, only the description of me; I still have the same passion for pointing out stupidity and people’s acceptance of injustice. I still get angry when people act like sheep, afraid to rock the boat and be different.

I must point out that I’m not one of those people that wakes up every morning and reads a newspaper or watches the news on TV to see what they can complain about. I am in the main quite a placid person, so long as you don’t piss me off!

But after saying all this, I did have a major rant earlier this week. It wasn’t world or domestic politics, religion, poverty or human rights that set me off this time, it was the simple act of trying to book a holiday!

Both my wife and I decided that we would like to visit the Balearic Island of Majorca this year. We have been there before, many years ago, and enjoyed our stay and thought we would like to go again. So far so good.

I first trawled the local travel agencies to see what bargains they had on offer (I’m a Yorkshireman, it’s illegal for us not to seek out a bargain!). This drew a blank, as the prices they quoted suggested that they thought I was actually launching a military invasion of the island, rather than just spending a week there.

So I turned to my friend Google to help me: this is where I get all hot and bothered!

There were some fantastic deals to be had, but only until you phoned the companies to book them!

It seems that, ’£169 ALL INCLUSIVE TO MAJORCA! is only the name of the advert. When you phone them up it seems the £169 turns into £500.

This is not an isolated incident, this was with every so-called deal I saw. The main culprits are the so-called low cost airlines that give you a low price then add on a £50 booking fee and £50 to check in fee and £50 baggage fee. They offer you a fantastic offer if you want to sit on the wing of the plane to your destination!

It’s like advertising an Armani suit for £5 then explaining that is just for the raw cotton. If you want the cotton processed and made into cloth that will be extra. Then if you want a designer to design you a suit that will also be extra. Oh yes and if you want us to make you the suit that of course will also be extra! The price of the suit, sir, for you today, is £2,000.

GIVE US THE TOTAL PRICE, YOU LYING BASTARDS!

Also these companies use call centres in India, I wonder why? No doubt these people will be working long hours for little money. The people that I spoke to were always courteous and willing to go the extra mile to make a sale, but we had a language problem every time.

I have a Yorkshire accent, if you’re not familiar with the Yorkshire accent hit yourself over the head a few times with a large baseball bat; now try to speak - that is the Yorkshire accent!

These poor people,  up until getting their under-paid and over-worked jobs no doubt thought that all English people talked like Hugh Grant. How wrong they soon found out they were; only Hugh Grant talks like that.

The English are fiercely proud of the region where they originate, and our accents identify us. Anyone born in Britain will be able to distinguish a Yorkshire accent from a Geordie, Scouse or Cockney accent. But if you’re not from Britain, we might as well be speaking another language.

So trying to book a holiday with someone whose third language is English, but still speaks better English than me, is very difficult. What makes it more difficult is the area I wished to visit is Spanish, so we had another language to throw into the mix!

And why do these people in call centres give themselves English names? We are not fooled by this deception! I spoke to a Jack, Kevin, Sally, Colin, Lucy all in Mumbai, not one Sanjeed or Sinita!

It is no use getting angry with the people who have to deal with you on the phone, they are just being used, the same as us mug punters, sorry, customers, are. The whole industry needs to clean up its act and be honest and transparent about what they are offering.

Now I need another holiday, to get over trying to book this holiday!