What's Your Poison?

It seems that we are told more and more just what is bad for us, Drink, food, sex and jumping in front of trains!

The last one I can vouch for. As a ten-year-old, I went with a few friends on a train trip to the nearby metropolis of Dewsbury.

While waiting for the train to arrive, I noticed a five pound note on the train tracks; this, to me when I was young (and now) was a fortune. Without thinking, I jumped on to the line to retrieve my booty, just as the Liverpool train was setting off.

If you are wondering just how I know it was the Liverpool train, it’s because it was the announcement that saved my life. The announcer, with his broad Yorkshire accent announced, “The train now leaving on platform two is the one forty five to Liverpool the train will be calling at, fuck there’s a kid on the track!” He then slipped further into street-speak by adding, “Get off the track, you silly little bastard!”

It was the swearing that made me look up and see hundreds of tons of train moving towards me. I grabbed the five pound note and jumped clear.

I wouldn’t recommend this as a pastime, as I thought my heart was about to stop, I felt sick for a week every time I thought about it, but it did cure my constipation!

For years we have been told just how bad the evil drink is for us, then one lovely little scientist announced that alcohol in moderation is good for you, YIPPEE! I knew it all the time.

It’s just that my idea of moderation and the scientist’s idea of moderation don’t correlate.

I ask you, two glasses of wine? That’s an aperitif!

On a serious note, though, I have had people close to me who have become alcoholics and this has nothing to do with liking a drink. They will drink anything at any time and have no cut off mechanism, they drink to unconsciousness!

Then we have sex, this is not a request, well… no, it’s not!

I think I’m going through the same thought process that my father had. My father was positive that there were no gay people when he was young, honest. He swore blind that homosexuality was a modern invention. I told him that they were there, but because it was illegal, and because of people like his beloved Catholic church, they thought it best to keep quiet about it!

I’m beginning to think the same about STD’s. When I was young we all knew about gonorrhoea and if you were really dirty, syphilis, but that was it. Now there seems to be a disease for every position! Ah, that’s what’s happened, there only used to be two positions, standing up and lying down!

Then finally we come to food.

I’m told often by a good friend of mine that I was lucky to be brought up eating a Mediterranean diet. But as I point out to him, often, there are lots of fat Italians.

British cuisine has come on in leaps and bounds since I was young. But I have to say that the old favourites are hard to beat!

We are told about the evils of fat and sugar and salt in our diets, and with good reason. But I believe a little of what you like does you good.

Here in the north of England we have a dish called pork pie and mushy peas! I know that this blog is read by people in lots of different countries (Thank You!) and I say to you all, come over to Huddersfield. When you get here, give me a call and I shall take you to a café that sells this dish; on a cold winters night it is the finest thing you can eat.

Then we have the British breakfast, this differs slightly from one place to another. Here, where I live, its bacon, eggs, beans or tomatoes, fried bread, mushrooms and black pudding. This, I can assure you, is one of life’s privileges, but it doesn’t work anywhere else but here in Britain. I have seen them advertised and tried them all over Europe, but they are just not the real thing.

I also must warn you that the British full breakfast is the food you need when in training for a heart attack!

Black pudding, by the way, is just a blood pudding which sounds disgusting but try it fried it’s lovely. I once tried a black pudding in Spain; they make it with rice - it was ok, but not the same as ours.

So what ever your poison is remember a little does you good don’t overdo it and you’ll be fine: trust me, I’m not a doctor!

But I would leave the trains alone if I were you!