Loony Tunes!

We have, just recently. had the yearly camp romp, otherwise known as the Eurovision Song contest.

If you are not from Europe and don’t know what I’m talking about, all I can say is that you’re a very lucky little bunny!

The Eurovision is a camp, kitsch and increasingly political so-called song contest. But I must stress here that if you are a serious music fan, this show has no truck with you. It seems to be a series of more and more tortuous warbles by desperate wannabes!

I know that there are millions of people who love this yearly parade of the mad and the sad, but I would rather snog (kiss) Anne Widdecombe using tongues than watch this.

Now look what you’ve made me do? I feel sick now, having said that! Ok I wouldn’t go as far as snogging (kissing) the ‘Wid‘, but you have to agree, it must be bad if it forced me to even mention such a heinous act! (Google her, if you don’t know what I mean).

But this all does go to show the old saying, ‘One mans meat is another man's poison’, doesn’t it?

The only people of note that have had any success with this festival of mental illness are Abba!

Although they are not really my taste in music, I can appreciate that they did have talent and brilliant production values on their songs. But that’s it - nothing else, zilch has come from this Continental collection of crappy crooners!

Here in Britain, every time the Eurovision is mentioned they wheel out Bucks Fizz, which is a group who I think won the competition back in the eighties. They are famed for ripping the skirts off the female members of the group.

But having said all this it doesn’t really matter, it’s about the event; yes, there are some of the small European countries who take it seriously and vote against the countries that have been supporting them financially for the last ten years, and here in Britain we hope every year that we will win it, but, to be truthful, even if we had Elvis, Frank Sinatra and Michael Jackson representing us (yes, I know they are all American and dead!) we still wouldn’t win - the rest of Europe just doesn’t like us!

So, we shall just have to stick with our proper musicians who lead the way in new music, and, together with America, influence the rest of the world’s music scene.

Having said this, we do have a problem with our music scene here in Britain: it is beginning to suffer from an insidious decease known as Cowell!

The dreaded Mr Cowell runs karaoke show called ‘Britain’s Got Talent' which should surely be prosecuted under the Trades Descriptions Act. ‘Britain needs talent’ would be more apt.

These shows stop the free form of development that creative minds need to flourish. They are asked to sing in a single type of style - the only style that sells.

If people like Bob Dylan or Tom Waits or even David Bowie had auditioned for these shows, they wouldn’t have got through the first round.

That is why I want to get my idea of a group of creative people to get together under the banner of ‘Twisted Minds’, where we can be free to develop ideas and help each other to succeed .

So if you’re a musician, painter, writer, sculptor or any other type of artist, get in touch!

Until then, it’s Grande Bretagne, nul point!