I could be Hetero, Metro, or Homosexual!

It has been brought to my attention, over the last few days, just how much I have changed over the years.

I’m not just talking about the ageing process or weight gain, or the fact that I now like blue cheese! I’m talking about how I react to others and how I feel about life.

It’s no secret that the older you get, the more ponderous you get. I now laugh about things I thought were a matter of life and death when they happened.

There were relationships where we both swore undying love for eternity only to break up a week later, leaving me feeling like I would never find love again. Then I would meet another love of my life a week later and go through the exact same process again! It’s strange that every now and again I bump into some of the girls/women that I had (short) relationships with in the past. Some, it has to be said, show the effects of bad diet, bad relationships and a bad drink problem.

I don’t claim to be an oil painting myself (unless it’s a Picasso) so I’m not having a go at them. But when I bump into them, if I recognise them, which I seldom do, I can see the look in their eyes that says, “I had a lucky escape there!”

When I was younger, I fancied myself as a ladies man, I liked the company of women and it’s fair to say I liked the other benefits that they offered as well. But I was really just a rough and ready bloke! No airs or graces, my humour was puerile (still is) I had no fashion sense and thought my mates were more important than any relationship. I was its fair to say a product of my environment.

The only people that I mixed with were people who had the same thought processes as me. This is the part where I upset lots of people.

I thought women should behave and dress in a certain way. I liked the idea of a women being ladylike. Little did I know that most of the "ladies" of the aristocracy were women that had slept there way to a title! And there wasn’t much sleeping involved.

I held racist views; they shouldn’t be in our country! Why I thought this is very odd, as my family on both sides are immigrants. I didn’t like gay people, which was very strange, as I didn’t know any gay people. Well I say I didn’t know any gay people, but - guess what - quite a few of my old school friends turned out to like to toot the fruit!

I liked to drink beer and fight; I was what a heterosexual man was supposed to be, back in the day.

Then I got married had a child and an education and started to read. I met people from all walks of life, from different cultures, sexualities and beliefs. I travelled and opened my mind.

I discussed my feelings with my wife and would spend long nights drinking wine and putting the world to rights with friends.

I started to take more care of how I looked, and how people saw me. I became less aggressive, but I have never been able to get rid of this stupid arrogant way of standing that I have. When ever I see a photo or a film of me I always look as if I’m about to start a fight, but I’m totally unaware at the time that I’ve stood like that!

But, besides my arrogant posture, I had become what later became known as a Metrosexual man.

I now travel quite a lot, but I’m mostly by myself when I travel. On the whole, I don’t mind it; after all it could be worse - I could be working down a mine, or, even worse, be a member of the Conservative Party.

So I end up in bars, late at night, as hotel rooms become very oppressive after a while.

I’m quite happy to talk to most people about anything they wish to chat about. Because I’m not looking for any other relationship or encounter of any sort other than a drink and a chat, most people are quite open with me I think they feel at ease.

But this is the strange thing; I have noticed of late that certain men, who I to my knowledge have never met, have started to smile and wave to me.

They are not waving and smiling in the way you would greet an old friend either.

And what makes it worse is some are quite a bit younger than me.

Now I meet lots of people with my work, far more people than my tiny brain can remember so they could have met me through work.

But there’s something in the way they greet me that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

I spoke to a gay friend of mine about this and he says that it’s my stupid arrogant stance that is making me register on ‘Gaydar!’

Seemingly I’m a ‘Butch, aggressive’ in gay terms - no I don’t know what that means either, and I’m as sure as hell I have no intention of finding out!

So as I slip through middle age, I seem to have unwittingly become gay! Which is funny really because lots of people have said that I’m a pain in the arse!