While we, the human race, are busy slowly destroying ourselves, none of us has stopped to see the real danger in our midst, THE ANIMALS!
They are slowly waiting to take over the world, but we are too stupid to realise it. Do you think that horses are pretending to be cows by accident?!
There is a much more sinister force in action here, one so vile none of us could ever contemplate it, THE PENGUINS!
Yes that’s right I’ve said it, I’ve said what you all have been thinking for years. It started off as a simple chocolate biscuit, and is going to end in world domination!
They parade around in their little cute suits, falling over in such a comical way. Well you won’t be laughing when I tell you that they are not falling over for our amusement, but because they are all drunk with power, why do you think they call themselves Emperor penguins? We don’t call anyone ‘Emperor’ unless he has a large army and psychotic tendencies. Yet they all call themselves Emperor routinely!
I once watched a documentary about penguins where they all sang and danced in quite a catchy way. They called the documentary ‘Happy Feet’ but there was nothing happy about those menacing claws as they pounded in unison and sent the humans fleeing for their lives from the Antarctic. In the documentary they complained that there was no fish left for them and that the humans were taking all their food? When it was obvious that there was a large canning factory to be seen in many of the shots! So I ask you who do you think is taking all the fish? We don’t live in the Antarctic, it was obviously a penguin canning factory!
But it gets worse; a source told me that when they were a child their parents took them to a local zoo in Yorkshire. Because the ticket price was so high, the father thought he had also purchased one of the penguins. He, like most people, had fallen for the myth that these were just harmless little birds that were only interested in fish; how wrong he was!
When my source went into the penguin compound to collect his complimentary penguin, he innocently tucked it under his parka so as not to draw attention to it, when the evil little bugger struck out and took his right nipple clean off! Does this sound to you like a harmless little bird or a homicidal child-killer?
They come over here and languish at our cost in our zoos getting free board and lodgings, while our farm animals are working day and night on farms and mincing machines with not as much as a thank you. Is this what Princess Diana died for?! Well is it?!
And another thing; what the fuck is the deal with these meerkat types? When they first came over claiming ‘Asylum’ there were only two of them. There’s fucking thousands of them now!
None of them had a job, but they now own an insurance company. No doubt paid for with benefits which we have given them! I’ve noticed that they have also got free housing on Coronation Street in Weatherfield! Poor sweet Princess Diana will be turning in her grave!
Now I’m not against all animals, I quite like a tortoise, which is very tasty and comes ready with its own casserole dish. And on the whole fish, seem to be decent sorts who get on with what ever fish get on with. You don’t see a turbot claiming benefits or housing on Coronation Street.
So I, for one, will not stand for this blatant abuse of our British dignity! Please sign my petition to send back all penguins and meerkats to whereever it is that they came from! Please don’t let them soil the good name of sweet saint Princess Diana.
Thank you
Yours sincerely
for Queen and Empire
Gez Walsh Esquire D.I.P S.H.I.T
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