And the winner is ...

The Brit Awards were hailed as a huge success this week, with many talented people getting the recognition that they deserved.

But the highlight of the night had to be the new award for lifetime achievement. Normally this award would go to a man or woman or other that had managed to survive the quagmire that is the music business.

However this year a new award was given to a ‘tune’ that has managed to survive with little change for over forty years, ‘The Boy Band Tune’

This tune has been used by boy bands from Boyzone to West Life. So you can appreciate the diversity of this tune.

The tune started its career in the seventies when it teamed up with a family of teeth known as the Osmonds. The success was immediate and their rival at the time, one David Cassidy, found that just by changing a few notes and a few words he could also use this tune. Young girls around the world were soon hooked.

The tune has never been out of work since. A spokesman for the tune said that its popularity is down to the fact that it starts with a whisper then ends in a shout. It has the ability to change, but remain the same. Boy bands love this tune as you only need one person who has an average voice backed by three who are really good at miming to make it work. The average boy band lasts as long as a packet of crisps but the song can go on for ever.

But this was not always the case. In the late nineties the tune was in the charts at the same time with at least six different bands. There was a great danger that it would burn itself out. It tried out different gimmicks to prolong its now fading career. It had dance beats added to it, or a rap in the middle eight. But some of the boy bands were mutating and one or two had developed something not seen before in boy bands, talent!

They were now flirting with their own tunes, which sounded just like the tune but were written by the group.

It looked like the tune was finished when, in the Noughties, a saviour stepped in and saved the tune from obscurity. The saviour went by the name of Simon Cowell. He had started a series of Karaoke shows on TV and wanted a tune for the winners to use. The tune was perfect, every year it reached the number one slot.

But even then things were not as they seemed. The tune was having to start quieter and finish much louder than before and it was felt it didn’t have the range to keep going, so Cowell did something so audacious and so wrong; he brought in a proper song!

The proper song had obviously been duped into agreeing to appear on the karaoke show. But there was even more of a scandal when the proper song quickly died having been murdered by the contestant.

Cowell washed his hands of any wrongdoing, and quickly reverted to the tune.

So please raise your glasses to the boy band tune which is currently working on every track on the new JLS album, and unlike JLS will probably go on for another forty years.

This piece was written in memory of the brave classic song that was so brutally murdered by the X Factor.

R.I.P Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah!”