The police have just announced that, after a long investigation, Ed Miliband’s personality has been found in a fortune cookie in a Chinese restaurant in Walsall.
At first, the proprietor of the restaurant, Mr Foo King Ting didn’t know what it was, saying, “There’s not much call for a personality in Walsall, so we didn’t know what it was at first.” Mr Foo King, previously known as Harry Chilvers, went on to say, “it was strange to think that a personality of a man so important could be hidden in something so small!”
It has long been thought that politicians had their personalities stripped from them by one Mr Tony Blair back in the nineties. It was rumoured that he wanted all politicians to be clones of himself and appear as soulless lifeless suits. This is strongly denied by Mr Blair, who maintains that all politicians have become soulless, lifeless suits of their own accord.
Mr Miliband’s personality seems to be made up of three important things which are clearly lacking in him now, Passion, conviction and empathy. The personality has not expressed any wish to be reunited with its previous owner.
Mr Miliband has released a statement saying that the personality found is not his and he will get his scriptwriters to write him one to prove this.
He is due to give a major speech in the Commons, on some very important policy that he would like to see implemented. When asked about this, his spokesman said, “Ed who?”
Other News.
Police say that they have not yet given up on their search for David Cameron’s personality, but privately they are saying there’s not a snowball in hell’s chance of ever finding it!
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