What Has the Devil Done Wrong?

No doubt the above title will get lots of people all hot and bothered. But before you start wanting me to burn in hell for eternity, can you please tell me just what evil he is responsible for?

I know he had a falling out with God, who then banished him to eternal damnation in a burning furnace type dwelling (don't piss God off, peeps) but what evil has he done?

God, of course, has been very busy. He has been the cause of countless wars and suffering and pain and misery. He punishes you here in this life and then burns you for eternity in the next if you're not good boys and girls. But as of yet, I haven't heard anything about the devil. He might tempt you to be really naughty and have sex with the wrong person or make you have fun, but I haven't seen anything really bad attributed to him/her.

Of course there is a theory that God and old Lucifer are one and the same person, sort of ying and yang. So that God is responsible for all the good things in the world like... you know, all that good stuff that happens? And the Devil is really responsible for all the wars and decease and famine and rape, and child abuse, and poverty. It's a shame that God is not all powerful, otherwise he would be able to over ride the devil's work and make the world a happy place!

Does God let all the animals that have very short brutal lives go to heaven? I know they don't pray to him and only have sex with the animals he tells them to. I know that they also eat what they can and eat it on what ever day they can so this will of course upset God, but they are animals and his creatures, so he knew this when he made them.

Some say that children are born with the original sin. God has found them guilty of being born! The original sin by the way was created by God because someone ate an apple. It wasn't me! What is it again the Devil punishes you for, I can't remember? It is God that sends you for eternal damnation, not the Devil.

If you are not one of the stupid people that believes the world is only five thousand years old (man had domesticated animals ten thousand years ago) you will know that man, in one form or another, has been around for about two hundred thousand years. For one hundred and ninety eight thousand of those years, God or the Devil did nothing. All those wars famine and suffering and God turned a blind eye. Then one day, if you believe the Bible, he decided enough was enough. I'll help them out, he thought. So he sent his son down to be a human sacrifice. I don't think he thought it through, do you? But guess what? We still have the wars, famine and suffering, but now they are mostly caused by him in his name.

Do you think the Devil has become very lazy? He doesn't seem to be arsed to do anything bad. The people who say that they worship him tend to wear strange clothing and have sex parties - it's hardly genocide is it? Do you think that the Devil set up all these religions to disagree with each other and kill each other for not believing in God in the same way? Is God really religious, if so which one does he favour? Must be the Jews, as they are the chosen people, the ones he has had persecuted throughout history. But he did tell them to paint their doors once while he killed the other opposing mob. Why didn't the Devil think of this evil little plan? He's too busy getting people to wear to much eye liner and have sex I suppose.

Isis have said that they are waging a Jihad, a holy war. Some scholars claim that Jihad doesn't actually mean a holy war. This is irrelevant, because they believe this and they are waging it! Men, women and children have been killed and mutilated by their blind hatred. Not one of these people claim to be a follower of the Devil, they all kill in the name of their God.

Lots of people who believe in God don't now believe in religions. I don't know how they can equate this, when all they know about God comes from religious text. But what is their God then? Did he make the world? If so, how? They say the big bang is rubbish, that something can't come from nothing, but isn't that the same as God has done, something from nothing? Can they really believe that there is a being that has powers to create billions of stars and galaxies and still retains the power to listen to their individual pleas to him, pleas which he always ignores, by the way.

Of course not all religions have the Devil. Some have demons, but like the Devil, these guys don't seem to do bad things, they just try to get you to turn against a deity. Maybe I'm a demon but I don't realise it yet. But then I don't care what you believe, as long as you don't let it effect my life. I don't want to hate or kill anyone in the name of anything either.

I have just worked out what the devil is responsible for, the evil bastard! Salad cream! Was there ever a more evil substance known to man?