Inaccurate Histories: Lies!

Professor Noah Ideas from North Dewsbury University has been awarded a PHD (protective house detention) this week, for his work with small mammals. The small mammals have now been removed by the RSPCA and are undergoing a long spell of therapy.

The professor has pointed out this week that people are quite willing to accept things they are told without questioning the facts, and he aims to give the world the true facts.

“Firstly”, says the professor (who is now sporting a goatee beard and spectacles to make him look more intelligent: he says that the bigger the spectacles, the larger the intellect, so he now looks like Diedrie Barlow on steroids) "the woman that people call 'Joan of Arc' never had an 'Ark': that was owned by a guy called Noah, who once had a wet summer. The same goes for 'William of Orange' he wasn't from Orange, he was Dutch!” says the professor, adding, “There's no such place as Orange!”.

The professor also says that some people have embellished their titles to look better. He says, “Take the American story of the gun fight at the OK corral. First there are no reviews on trip advisor to say if it was OK or not, so this is a presumption for a start off, and there is no sea in that area and coral can only grow in the sea, so the whole thing is a lie!”

Russia has also not escaped the professor's vigorous investigations, “There is no such thing as a Moss Cow” says the professor. Unless this city was named after a mythical beast which the professor has never heard of, then it is all just a lie to fool people.

“There are also people who didn't exist” says the professor. “In Germany they were supposed to have someone called 'Bismark' but I ask you, who would call themselves after a stain in your undies? Then there's Nero who is supposed to have fiddled as Rome burnt down, well I've been to Rome and its not burnt at all!”

Other people with titles that are lies are also pointed out by professor Ideas.

Catherine the Great, wasn't! neither is Great Britain!

Napoleon was named after a brandy!

Henry the V wasn't called V!

Limerick in Ireland doesn't do Limericks!

The Boston strangler never strangled Boston!

Greece prefers oil!

Alaska has never been baked!

The professor has long been an advocate of people not listening to what the academics and scholars of the world have to say. “Just because someone has spent a lifetime studying a subject and has undeniable proof to back up their theories, this doesn't make what they have to say true! Don't ever be afraid to believe in something just because you want to.”

The professor has now embarked on a new theory he is hoping to prove correct, “I have long held a belief that the Vulcans were one of the superior intellects in the galaxy so it is my belief that Spock not Kirk was the real captain of the Enterprise.” The professor knows it won't be long before he proves this theory to be correct, “It's all there on the internet” says the professor.