We
have all made them: from the minor choices, such as picking the worst
meal on the menu, to the one big drunken night! One leaves you
spending a night on the toilet, while the other leaves you with a
lifetime of regret! But are all mistakes really mistakes? If you have
made an informed decision based on the evidence that you have in
front of you at the time, is that then a mistake if things go wrong?
A
friend of mine, many years ago, fell in love with a very attractive
young woman who seemed to be the answer to all his dreams. He decided
that he would whisk her away for a romantic weekend and pop the
question (will you marry me, not phone a friend). This was before the
rise of the internet, so he had to go on recommendations and reading
up on on places to visit. He knew that she was fond of long walks in
the country side so he chose the Peak District, which is a beautiful
part of Britain to walk in. He chose a very expensive hotel, well
more than he would normally pay. He also hired a car because his was
old and prone to heart failure.
He had spent all the money he had in
the world to make this event one that the young lady in question
would remember for the rest of her life. The engagement ring alone
cost him £150, which in the 'seventies was quite a lot of money! He
had all the bases covered, and he had thought about every aspect of the
weekend to ensure it would go to plan, except for one thing, his bride to
be. The night he was to announce to her that he had booked them a
weekend away, she informed him that she was bored in their
relationship and was leaving him for a man she had met at work, then
promptly walked out of his life for ever.
At the time he told
everyone that falling in love with her was the biggest mistake of his
life. He had lost face (everyone except him knew about her affair)
he had lost all the money he had in the world, which he couldn't claim
back. But he had also lost the ability to trust someone again, which is what he
told me at the time. But it wasn't a mistake! He had done all those
things for the right reason, that he loved someone! And also this woman
went on to take lots of wealthy men for all they were worth, only to
end up with a drink problem herself. He, on the other hand, is happily
married with three wonderful grown-up children and two lovely grand
children.
Sometimes, making decisions for the right reason is the wrong thing to do.
When you make a decision because you love someone, or because you
don't want to upset someone, it is usually a bad move. We have all done
this: we have all lent money, or recommended someone for a job who is
untrustworthy, only to pay the consequences for their actions
ourselves. It is always far better to let your head make decisions
and leave your heart to pump blood around your body! Decisions made
with the heart are all made without thought. They don't need thought;
you need trust for these. But all decisions are half-chances. We don't
know what little variants life is going to throw at us when we make
these choices.
One of
the problems about our life choices is that they may not comply to
other people's choices, and this will cause conflict, which is unfortunate
but inevitable. You cannot make decisions on whether others may or
may not be upset. Sometimes the best decisions are the ones made for
selfish reasons. Especially when it comes to business. I tend to use
trust and loyalty when it comes to business which is why I'm not sitting
in a penthouse suite in Manhattan New York, with a twenty year old PR
called 'She Moon' who sees to my every whim at the moment. But I
genuinely couldn't think of a worse existence than that. Well, working
down a mine or living in the third world would probably be far worse,
but you get my drift. I have what I need, I have family and friends who I love and care about. I can pay my bills and have a nice house
and food to eat. But there have been times in my life where I have had
to make choices. You could say that some would have led me to
becoming quite wealthy while others would have surely seen my demise.
For me, the choices I made at the time were the right choice, because
I'm here and I'm happy!
So, if
you are sitting reading this (you can stand to read it if you wish)
now and are riddled with guilt over something you have done or said, sit
back and think. You made the decision to do what you did, it's now
done, and it can't be changed. I have learned that the things that you
think are massive mistakes at the time often seem quite insignificant at a
later date. We all make mistakes: the important thing is to learn
from them. To make the same mistake twice is quite foolish, but we
must trust others, and we have no control over their choices. Your
successes and your mistakes are part of the tapestry which makes you, so
learn to laugh at the mistakes but learn to embrace your successes:
there will probably be many fewer of them than there will be mistakes.
One
mistake you should never make is to do things just so you can be part
of a crowd. When I was only nine years old, I was obsessed with boxing
(I still am). I was at a gym where I used to go and imagine that I was
Henry Cooper (big mistake). I noticed that most of the older boys in
the gym who I looked up to had very short cropped hair. This was at a
time when the skinhead movement was at its height. I wanted to look
like them. I wanted that haircut. I thought it would make me look
'hard'. When my mother foolishly gave me some money one day to get my
thick luxurious mop of hair cut I eagerly ran to the barber's shop in
the village where I lived. This shop was owned by a small rotund
Italian man. I told him that I wanted to be a skinhead, so he shaved
all my hair off, right down to the bone! I had no hair left at all, only skin
on my head. My mother was so angry with me, and the little barber for
being so stupid as to listen to me, that she marched me back to the
shop. I don't know what she expected: did she want him to
put my hair back on? But as with all things with my mother, it simply ended
with her hitting him! I wasn't bothered, because now I looked hard. Except when people saw me, they burst into tears.
Old women hugged me
and even hard men's eyes moistened when I approached them. I couldn't
work out just why I was having this effect on people, until a friend
sat me down one day with tears in his eyes and asked me why I hadn't
told him? I spent my life being confused when I was nine and still do
to this day, but this really perplexed me. I told him that I didn't
know what he was talking about. He then told me that his mother had
told him about my illness, and that he must get himself ready because
I might die. I was still none the wiser, so I ran home, worried about
this information that I was about to die. I asked my mother what this
horrible condition that I had was, that everyone except me knew about.
She laughed, then explained that, because of the severe hair cut,
everyone thought that I was having chemotherapy for some life-threatening cancer!
So you
might think the hair cut was a bad mistake, except I made a small
fortune by pretending to be the little dying boy! Every cloud, and
silver linings, and all that!
No comments:
Post a Comment