Super Dad!

There's often a lot written about bad parents: lazy, selfish, no-good types who care more about themselves than about the many children they seem to have. But what about good parents? Why don't we ever acknowledge just how difficult it is to be a parent?

Mothers often get most of the praise when it comes to parenting. In lots of cases this is deserved, but there are lots of fathers out there who give over their whole life to help their children have a full and happy existence. I can only talk about my own life and experiences.

My father devoted his whole life to his children and his grandchildren: to him, family was everything. When I was a young boy, I thought my father was the cleverest, biggest, toughest man in the world. I always felt safe when he was around, and he was gentle and fun. Which was good, because he was a Catholic, which meant there were an awful lot of kids in our house. When I became a teenager, I realised one day something that shocked me. My father was just an ordinary man, he wasn't the superman I had always believed. He hadn't done anything out of the ordinary for me to come to this conclusion, it just happened. All teenagers go through this, we feel let down in some strange way when we find out that out parents are just ordinary people who, like all ordinary people, have faults and make mistakes.

But my father wasn't just an ordinary man. He was a superman! He worked fifteen hours a day, often seven days a week, to put food on the table. He kept a small amount of money back for himself each week to do what all working men did in those days, to go for a pint. But he used to go to the pub, have two bottles of Guinness, and then buy nuts and crisps for us all back home. With the rest of the money he had free, he used to buy sweets for us all after church on a Sunday (Yes, I went to church!) 

When he had free time, rather than go to the pub or sit in a chair for a well-earned rest, he would take my older brother John and me swimming. We went on a very rare holiday to the small Yorkshire seaside town of Bridlington when I was young. Every morning, my brother and I used to badger my father to take us both to the large roller-coaster ride on the sea front. We would be there every morning waiting for it to open. The man operating it was so used to seeing us each morning, he let us have lots of rides all for free. Later in life, when I myself was a parent, I chatted to my father about this holiday and the fond memories I had. When I spoke about the roller-coaster, Dad told me that he hated that ride. It made him so ill, and it took him ages to stop himself from being sick after riding it. He even went as far as doing without his breakfast so he would be able to ride it with us. Just writing this fills me with tears. All this just so we could have a little happiness.

I hope that I learned from my father and gave my son a happy life. Like my father, though, I will have no doubt made a lot of mistakes on the way. This is inevitable and just part of life. My son is a proud father himself now, and he too works long hours away from home, often not returning for a few weeks. When he does return home, he is often very tired, but little Harleigh runs to him and gives him a hug and all his batteries are recharged. He spends all his time with her and his partner Kim. There is no handbook to being a father, we can only do what we think is right. I still have a close relationship with my son, but of course his family now have priority in his life and that's the way it should be.

Lots of fathers can be seen with their children at the weekend, giving their children the most important thing they can give, their love and their time. I have thousands of happy memories of my father sledging with me on the super sledge that he made for both my brother and myself. He taught me to ride a bike. Gave me my first boxing lesson. We used to have races, and he would sometimes let me win. He helped me to make go-carts, showed me how to make bows and arrows, the list just goes on.

So, when we hear all the negative comments about feckless fathers who shirk their responsibilities when it comes to their children, think of all the supermen, who give their all to their children. Being a parent is a selfless task. You give up your freedom, friends and interests to give your children a happy life. Mothers are lucky in one way: they have a natural bond with their children, where us dads have to work at it. But I have to say that I loved my son from the very first moment that I saw him, I was there the night Harleigh was born. My son came out of the birthing room to talk to me and the look on his face told me that he too had just fallen madly in love with his little bundle of happiness.

After my awful teen years when I made not only my parents' lives but everyone's lives miserable, I got to know my father again. We became not only father and son, but also friends. He found me work with him as an apprentice joiner and we became quite close. When I think back to my childhood and the time I spent with my father as an adult I realise he wasn't an ordinary man, he didn't make any mistakes when it came to being a man and a father. I was right in the first place. My father was a superman!