I don't
think there's a person alive who, when finding out the news that they
are to be a parent, thinks “Good! I'm going to try to be the worst
parent alive!” You may have doubts about your ability, but you
will still want what's best for your new little bundle of problems.
Handbooks
and celebrity parents are the worst form of information when it comes
to being a parent. They make it all sound so easy and they seem to
have everything all sewn up! But, in reality, books are written by
people who glean information from government, and celebs
usually don't write their own books, and if they do, they all usually
have nannies. Trust me on this, everyone is clueless when they are
faced with the prospect of parenthood for the first time.
It
doesn't matter what a famous pop star says about how they feed their
little mite, That is not your baby, and no two babies are the same. My
son's feeding habits were totally different to his daughter's feeding
habits. Her behaviour and likes and dislikes are completely different
to what her father's were at her age! Think about it. You think you
are unique and have your own likes and dislikes? Then why would you
expect your child to be any different? The truth is that young babies
take up a lot of time: they are very demanding. But as long as they
are fed, loved, and kept warm, you are doing a good job. I don't care
what the books say! And as for getting your figure back, remember if
you can afford a nanny and a personal trainer, stylist, and holidays in
warm foreign climes without your offspring, then the chances are you will look
a lot better than a single mother trying to cope alone, in a bedsit, on
benefits.
When
they become toddlers, the golden rule is the same as with babies, but
remember that at this age everything that can be found is tested with
the mouth. So anything that is sharp or chemical should be out of
their reach, also all ornaments should be nailed to the ceiling and
all fires should be put under armed guard. If you do all this, you are
doing all a parent should: it's not rocket science. Your toddlers will
suddenly develop a diet that they prefer. Use this to experiment,
and feed them as much fresh food as you can afford. It's usually cheaper
than buying ready meals. You can have a toddler and still cook - your
parents, their parents etc did, and so can you! No excuses! This is a
great time as a parent because your little cherub is now developing
their own personality. Give them as much encouragement as possible
but remember you are the parent, not them. You are in charge and with
lots of patience and love and stubbornness they will learn to accept
your leadership. Remember they are not toys, accessories or
belongings they are just little people: treat them with respect, but
also expect the same respect back from them.
As they
get older they will develop more personality, so just enjoy their
difference, and talk. Communication is the greatest tool you will ever
have as a parent. Keep them away from crap food though, I'm a firm
believer that crap food causes lots of problems for a developing mind
and body. Don't think they are clones of you and have all the same
hopes, dreams and aspirations that you had. And don't try to live
your failed dreams through them, they are not, never will be, you!
When it
comes to the teenage years, good luck, you are on your own! You may
think you are quite a reasonable, patient person - ha, you wish. You
will be confused at how a loving, reasonable little adult can turn
into a snarling, withdrawn, monosyllabic bundle of hormones. But the
same applies as with all parenting: talking, consistency, love and
time is all you have to give. In return you will receive love, and a
lot of heartache.
Then
they leave home. Now you worry if they are OK. What they are up to? Who they are with? Let go. If they have decided to go out into the
world and find their own way without you funding their every move,
then you have, my friend, succeeded as a parent! You can do no more:
they are now fully-formed people with a mind of their own and dreams
of their own. It's time for you to get out there and enjoy life. All
the things that you put on hold are now there, waiting for you to come
along and embrace them.
They
might call back with the news that they themselves are about to be
parents. I suppose it's down to the circumstances whether this is
good news or bad news. All I can say is for my wife and myself our
little granddaughter is the best present anyone could have given us.
To say that she is loved is an understatement. Because we don't have
the responsibility for her everyday needs, we only get the best bits.
She has given us a new lease of life and brought us all even closer
as a family. But remember it's not your child and you don't have a say
in how things are run. But it's our job as grandparents to sneak in
the odd forbidden treat, even though it means getting a telling off
later.
So,
remember; if you love your children and use common sense about things,
then you are doing fine. It's OK to ask for a bit of advice and need
a bit of assurance from time to time - this doesn't mean you are a
failure, it means you are human. Enjoy the good bits and try to ride
above the bad bits. Let me know how you did this if you are
successful, I would love to know.
Your
child is a unique human being with needs and wants of his/her own. Don't beat yourself up because others seem to have things more
together than you. They, too, will have the same doubts and fears that
you have. Of course, all I have written here is about my own
experience, so you are free to scoff, and mock all that I have
written. All I can say is that this worked for me.
Just
remember that everyone's life is full of highs, lows, pitfalls and
gains. No matter what the books and glossy magazines tell you!
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