I have
been reading this week about parthenogenesis. This is not a Greek
prog rock band, but a way of animals giving birth without a male. We
all know that you need the 'X' and 'Y' chromosomes for an egg to
develop. The woman has the 'X' and the man has the 'Y'. But it seems
that, in some species, mainly reptiles, this doesn't need to happen.
What happens is the female uses some of its own cells to form the 'Y'
chromosome.
Quite
recently, an anaconda gave birth to two healthy little Anna's in a
zoo, and it had never had contact with a male in all its life. There is a
colony of whip tail lizards in Mexico that are all females, they
don't have any males at all, but still reproduce, using parthenogenesis. Though they do still go through the motions of
mating, it's just that its now 'Lady Love'. It must be like living in
Hebden Bridge!
This small former mill town in Calderdale is supposed
to have the most lesbians living there. I was struggling to write
that last piece, as no matter what I wrote, it sounded quite offensive.
I don't know what the collective noun for a group of lesbians is? I
would imagine its a 'Haircut!' that seems to fit, a haircut of lesbians! Come on, girls, it is like a badge of honour isn't it? Do you
all use the same barber? A friend of mine told me that she kept her
hair long to disguise the fact that she was gay. Not that she was
ashamed of it just that it was no one else's business who she slept
with! When she first told me that she was gay I think I replied with,
“I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret?” She asked how I
could tell? Lets just say that even the most hardened homophobe knows
the dress code of the average lesbian.
Having
said that Hebden Bridge is lesbian central, I don't have any proof of
this. It is a fact that lots of my friends that are gay quote to me.
I am actually the official Poet Laureate for Calderdale (get me!) and
I don't know of anyone who is gay who lives there. I work there
quite often, as its quite an arty little town, but its very middle-class and dare I say quite boring. We need diversity of all sorts -
that's why a woman does need a man! Even if you don't find men
sexually attractive or even mentally stimulating. Seeing an opposing
view of life helps you to strengthen your views, or even see life from
another perspective. I must confess that I do prefer women's company
over men's. I spend most of my life in female company, and on the
whole I quite like it. But there are times when I need to meet up
with male friends to, as one of my friends says, 'Talk Shite!'
Men can
rib each other without anyone taking offence, 'You fat bastard!' is a
common and affectionate greeting between men. I don't think women
could tolerate anyone in their circle of friends using such language.
Men can spend hours talking about unimportant things that are of
great importance. Such as sport, bikes and cars and whose round it
is! Conspiracy theories, about aliens and governments, are also high
on the agenda with some. We don't need to talk about important things
we have women to talk to about those. Although we do like our
politics, beer politics is the most heated type of debate. All men
know how to put the world to rights, it's just that when we get a
chance to do so, we cock it up!
I think
it must be the way that society says we must behave that makes us so
different, as I can't really see why we should act so differently
through genetics. Women are far more tolerant than men and this is
probably because they have to put up with men. They are on the whole
far more adventurous than men as well. All the macho types now will
be scoffing at such a claim, but lots of men quite like routine,
going to the same pub, and the same place for a holiday. Of course, this is a
generalisation - lots of men, including myself, can't stand that way of
life. But on the whole it is that way.
I know
lots of women that have travelled abroad by themselves, in fact, some women I
know have travelled the world by themselves. I only have one male
friend that does this. Women are the first to try different foods,
men tend to stick to the old favourites. When we had the first wave
of mass immigration, back in the fifties and sixties, women were far
more welcoming to people than men were. When people go out in mixed
groups, men tend to gravitate to each other and so do the women. We
have different priorities. I don't care who did, said what to who. I
don't want to know who's going through a hard time with their kids or
who has bought what. When I'm out I want to eat, drink, have a laugh
and 'Talk Shite!' This is what I'm good at.
But
having said all this, we need a balanced view of life and people, no
matter what they are or where they come from, or what they believe or
don't believe, or what their sexuality is, all bring something to the
table. And for me this is what makes life interesting, this is why I
love to travel. Uniformity is boring. We should celebrate our
differences, accept them, laugh at them and even argue over them.
You see, to have a lesbian utopia would be like lots of people's ideas of
utopias, it would be filled with like-minded people with the same
hair cuts, clothes, views, likes and dislikes. Although I do regard
myself as an honorary lesbian (I dress like them, have a similar hair
cut, and I find women attractive) I don't want to live among my own
all my life. It's a big world out there, and I want to see it,
experience it and enjoy it. So whether you like it or not, girls, you
are stuck with us boring, puerile, macho, clever, witty, stupid,
timid, ugly, handsome, selfish, caring men.
Go on,
admit it, you like us really, don't you?
No comments:
Post a Comment