The premise of these programs is the same, invite someone into your
house and then let them be very rude and arrogant about you and your
hospitality.
I would have got a smack about the head from my parents when I was a child if
I were to be so rude when a guest in someone’s house. If a person is kind
enough to invite you into their inner sanctum then feed you, no matter how bad
the food is, you should be gracious enough to thank them and be grateful.
But the worst thing about these programs is the people who appear on
them! They seem to be talentless wannabe celebs. Having said this most of the
entertainment industry seems to be staffed by these imbeciles.
Every program on prime time TV if it’s not "soap" seems to be some
competition for cooking, singing, baking, sewing, or knitting! But rather than
switch off and read or do something else more interesting, people watch in their millions,
and even discuss them the next day! And then these people make a living on the
back of being shown to be talentless!
The prize for the most tedious of these programmes goes to ’Big Brother’
where dull people do dull things to entertain dull people. I know I’m sounding
more than a little like the world's greatest snob, but really?
I watched a programme last night just to appease my wife, who quite rightly
said that I should watch these programmes before passing judgement. I watched `I’m
a Celebrity Get Me out Of Here!’ I have
watched it before, a few years ago, and it seems to be still the same episode! They had
the so-called celebrities doing the same things, and they in turn behaved in the
same way.
If you are not sure what this show is about, then you are lucky! But to
save you having to watch an episode, what happens is the TV company gathers a
load of needy celebrities together, then flies them out to Australia and puts
them in a jungle. Which turns out to be a small clearing a few hundred yards
from the hotel. Then gives them a series
of tasks to humiliate them.
And while I’m on the subject, surely they contravene the trading
standards rules on goods fit for purpose. They title says ‘I’m a celebrity’,
but who the hell are these people? Of the current bunch, I knew Matthew Wright
because I’ve seen his programme on TV and I know Steve Davis the snooker player
and I once met Rebecca the swimmer (I can’t remember her surname and can’t be
bothered to look it up) but I haven’t a clue who the rest of them are!
Besides having to eat the parts of animals that crows leave behind on
the road, I can’t see why the teams are so worried. I’m good with spiders and
snakes. I love obstacle courses and I would love to visit Australia, although
I don’t think I could last a week stuck in a camp with these people.
I’m told that this programme can save people's careers, which came as a bit
of a shock to me as I didn’t know they had careers in the first place.
Christopher Biggins, who I think only works at Christmas as ‘Widow Twanky’,
was supposed to have made a fortune after appearing on it. I’m still not sure what he
does for a living, though.
Katie Price, who is surely one of life’s great mysteries, has also made a
bundle out of being on this programme. I think she marries people, then divorces
them, then sells lurid stories about these hapless saps to the tabloids! Pure
class.
I was told that she was a singer so I looked up her greatest hits and
was amused at her attempts to start a pop career. When I sing, I sound like
someone dragging a wardrobe - but I can still hold a tune better than her. Then I
saw her name on the cover of a book, I was quite surprised that she would turn
out to be a best selling author. But when I looked at the book, it soon became
obvious that it had been ghost-written. But this woman has to be one of the
best hype artists in the business, for that I’ll give her credit.
I have also found out that these people get between £75,000 to £120,000
for the two weeks they are there! So where do I go to sign up for next year? I’m
perfect for the show. I have a miniscule amount of fame and I’m talentless, and
no one has heard of me: what more do they want?
The only problem is that if they put me with this bunch of desperadoes
the show would get a lot of publicity,
but for all the wrong reasons. But still, the money would come in handy.
So, ‘I’M NOT A CELEBRITY, GET ME IN THERE!’
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