Caviar and Kippers

A friend recently told me about some other friends of his who had booked a holiday on a very expensive cruise ship.

This couple had come into money and had both retired early. One of their loves was going on cruises to many different places. It was the attraction to the ships as much as the holiday that they loved. Both of these people had been married before and had met each other later in life. The wife had had a good life and already experienced many different types of luxury, while the husband was a working class lad "done good", as they say.

One morning while having breakfast on board this ship, the wife noticed that there was caviar available and urged her husband to have this for his breakfast. He declined, having tried it and disliked it. He asked the waiter if he could just have some fresh kippers for his breakfast as he regarded this as a luxury. His wife was incensed that her husband had, 'showed her up' but the truth is she just missed the point! It doesn't matter how much something costs, if you don't like it then to you it's worthless! Just like two weeks on a luxury cruise ship would be to me.

Another woman I talked to this week told me she wished that she was French. Was it the language, I asked? Or maybe the food, or what about the slow-paced lifestyle of rural France or the cosmopolitan style of Paris or Marseilles? No she wished she was French so she didn't have to shave under her arms! She had missed the point of what it is to belong, and as far as I'm aware there is no law in Britain that dictates that women must shave under their arms!

An American lady (I'm being kind with the description) once tore into me about my lack of love for ickle baby cheeses. When I told her that I had no belief system in anything supernatural she accused me of being a 'devil worshipper'! I know she just missed the point: how can I worship something I don't believe in? She told me that if I didn't have Jesus in my heart then I must have the devil in there. No, just blood and probably a bit of cholesterol swimming about in there, I'm afraid. What about other religions that don't believe in the hippy carpenter? Are they all devil worshippers?

The only reason that I'm telling you these dull pointless stories is because after spending a whole evening watching the TV the other night, I came to the conclusion of "what's the point?" The news wasn't news. Part of it was about a "singer" who had to borrow some other singer's pants to go on stage. And that David Beckham had got a small part in a film! Obviously this is far more important than people clinging for their lives on makeshift rafts with their children in their arms. It's more important than mindless imbeciles who are raping and torturing their own people while blowing up ancient monuments because of... fuck knows! What happened to the news?

Also all the programmes seem to be copies of each other. Medical, or police programmes, real life not dramas. Cooking or antiques shows or quiz shows or inane docudramas. My wife can sit and watch all this dross and even wants to have a conversation with me about it!

I know my views are not popular. People tell me that I'm just whinging whenever I point out the shit that is fed to us on a daily basis by the powers that be and the media. So maybe they are right, maybe I just miss the point of it all!