Alvin Stardust's Glove?

I remember once in my late teens being at my parents' house one Saturday night. This may not seem anything out of the ordinary, but for me this was very odd. I can't remember why I was there but my parents came back after visiting the local working men's club. The title,'working men's to me always suggests that women don't work. Surely it should be 'the local workers club'? But I digress.

Anyway, when my parents arrived home they had with them a woman who I had never seen before or since. Not a clue who she was, or why she came home with them. Those of you with dirty minds can forget it - my parents were strait -laced Catholics. None of that threesome stuff, it was six hail Marys and a hair shirt for even thinking about masturbation for them.

This lady looked younger than my parents, which wasn't that difficult, as even my grandparents looked younger than my parents. The lady took over the whole conversation and announced that she was indeed, Alvin Stardust's dresser. I think she put clothes on him. She wasn't, as far as I could see, a piece of wooden furniture. Now if you don't know who Alvin is, he is famous for a song called, 'My Coo Ca Choo' in the seventies. Other songs of his were, 'My Coo Ca Choo' and of course who could forget, 'My Coo Ca Choo'. What a career! I'm just guessing here but I don't think he was christened Alvin Stardust, I think he was also known as Shane Fenton at one time but I'm guessing he wasn't christened under that name either. I could look up his real name but, if you have read any of my previous blogs, you will now know that I can't be arsed.

If you do know who the said Mr Stardust is or if you have looked up old photos of him in the seventies you will now be aware that if this lady that claimed to be his dresser she should have been sacked after her first day! Even by seventies standards his dress sense was appalling. Black leather or checked flares were his usual dress, but also long before Michael Jackson was white and wore the one glove Alvin just wore one glove on stage as he did two hours of 'My Coo Ca Choo'. And this lady from her humungous handbag produced a small black leather glove and in hushed and reverent tones announced, “this is Alvin's glove.” Then she added, as she offered it forward to me, “ would you like to wear it?”

I started to laugh as she made it sound as if she was holding the holy grail, I asked why on earth I would want to put the glove on, “because Alvin has worn it” she replied. Now at the time I was a long haired hippy-ish type that listened to Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. To me, Alvin Stardust was about as exciting as a bible class!

“No thanks I'll give it a miss if you don't mind” I replied though I couldn't help but notice just how small the offending glove was.

This lady looked at me totally perplexed. She couldn't believe that I would turn down such an offer, then became really angry when I asked her if she knew anyone famous!

The reason that I'm telling you this is because today I found myself talking to a lady of a certain age who, for all intents and purposes seemed quite normal. She then without warning said to me, “I hear that you write for a living?” “Sometimes” I replied.

Then she said something so odd I had to ask her to repeat it, “I have Tom Jones's sweat in my fridge.” She laughed when I asked her to repeat what she had just said, “Don't worry, it's not in a bottle, I'm not some sort of weirdo, it's on my handkerchief”

I tend to put handkerchiefs in the washer when they have been used. I usually use the fridge for dairy products. I really don't care who wore what, where or when, let them keep them. If Alvin had been given the handkerchief, he could have sung, 'Aah Coo Choo!' See what I did?