The Violent Pacifist!

I believe that we are all a contradiction of terms, though most people don't agree with me on this subject. But I bet that their public persona is completely different from their private persona. Just look at how many moralistic devil-dodgers get caught in brothels. How many times have you seen people flashing the cash in an obscene show of decadence only to find out later that they were completely broke? What about the poor old ladies that have to exist on handouts, only for it to be revealed that they were millionaires when they die.

The last one of those scenarios happened to me in the late eighties. I was working as a self-employed joiner at the time and I was called to a house owned by a lovely fragile little old lady who had unfortunately been burgled. Her door was broken and she needed a new lock. I managed to fix the door as she told me that she had no money. My brother in-law had a locksmiths shop and I explained to him the situation and he kindly gave me a five lever lock to fit for this charming old lady. When the work was finished she looked at me with her big puppy eyes that looked as if they were about to burst into tears when I told her how much I was going to charge her for my days work. But her worry turned to a huge smile when I told her to make me a cup of tea and we would call it quits. I even had to go to the shops for her because she had run out of milk! 

For many months afterwards I would receive a call from Mrs Johnstone asking if I would be kind enough to fix a fence or put a catch on a garden gate. The jobs were never that big and I usually did them on my way home from a day's work. She always paid me the same way, she made me a cup of tea. My wife even said at the time that she thought this old lady might be mugging me, but I told her that she didn't have any money at all and someone had to help her. When she died in 1989 she left a bank account that totalled £750,000. I wasn't mentioned in the will!

The above title is something that my older brother, John, always claims about me. I suppose in a way he is quite right. I detest violence when its directed at innocent people. I hate violence when it's directed at anyone really, it doesn't solve anything. I detest bullies, and I cannot understand why any politician would want to send young people off to war. Any fool knows that wars only serve to perpetuate hatred and fear, and diplomacy is the only way to solve differences. Having said all this I love to fight. In the ring that is -  I would walk away from anyone who verbally attacks me in the street, but not if they physically touch me. I would also become very aggressive if anyone was to harm those that I love. So you see, my brother is correct. I don't like violence, yet I use violence of sorts for my sport. I have to say though that all the fighters that I mix with are very similar to me; lots are doctors or care professionals. They, too, live their lives to help others but they love to fight for sport.

The other claim my brother makes about me is that I'm a 'gregarious hermit'? This is partially true as well. Let me start by saying that I'm not a hermit in the true sense of the word. I live in a neighbourhood with lots of people. Having said this, I don't mix with any of them or talk to any of them. I don't like parties and I don't want to strike up conversations with anyone when I go on holiday or when I go out for a meal or a drink. I have friends whose company I enjoy and that is more than enough for me. But in my professional life I have to chat to everyone. I have to make conversation and engage with others. It very important that people feel that they can talk to me and trust me, I'm there to help them. Also as a performer I have to engage with others and make them feel that we are friends. So you see both my id and ego are are constantly at odds with themselves.

But all these little foibles that I have pale into insignificance when you see the duplicity of the powers that be. How many times have we encountered terrible tragedies, only to be told by a second rate politician that their thoughts and prayers are with the families? what use is that! Firstly, thoughts and prayers are as much use as a cotton condom, but just how condescending is this phrase?

After the terrible fire at the Grenfell tower block we heard lots of politicians saying how sad they were. I'm not saying that anyone would be happy about the situation, but we heard lots of platitudes and no action! Behind the scenes I felt there was a very busy buck that had been passed around quite a lot. These people were more interested in not being seen to be at blame than stepping in to help lots of people who needed their help the most. But then I often feel that our politicians are the unelectable elected!