They're Back! (To Avenge Their Mutters and Farters!)

I wrote some time ago about how our house had become a time-share for the local rodent population. I also wrote about how my normally mild-mannered wife turned into Hannibal Lecter's evil cousin and bought up the entire stock of poisons within a thirty mile radius of our house to kill them. I also mentioned that they may come back with nano-Uzi's, all terminator-style, to avenge their loved ones. Well, it seems to have happened (maybe without the Uzi's, though).

I think they may have heard of my wife's reputation as a rodent slayer, because by the look of the mess in our pan cupboard they were shitting themselves. It was everywhere! So the strange blue poison which the mice don't seem to be able to get enough of has resurfaced, and this time it's personal.

Strangely, when I realised that we had the little critters again last night I received a text from my son who was staying at a friend's chalet on the Yorkshire coast. He was asking if I knew a hotel nearby to where he was, for them to stay in. I asked him if he was staying in the chalet, and he replied, “No, it's infested with mice! Kim and Harleigh want out, now!

I have never understood the irrational fear that people have of mice, I would prefer that they chose somewhere else to live, like 10 Downing Street, rather than my house, but I don't mind them that much. But I do wish they would go outside to take a dump, instead of in my cupboards.

In other countries they don't want mice for all the right reasons. They attract predators. Now, here in Huddersfield, a predator is a cat or a fox or a middle-aged man with a medallion fixation. But in countries such as Australia they tend to be venomous snakes, I would much rather be confronted with an ickle mouse than a brown snake! (That's not a euphemism, it's actually a highly venomous snake!)

Snakes have a habit of not being noticed until you either tread on them or put your hand on them.

Someone once told me that they had an infestation of ghosts in their house! I don't think the collective noun for ghosts in an infestation: maybe a spook of ghosts, or a spirit. I think I prefer a non-existent as that sums them up best. THERE'S NO SUCH THING!

I was also told once by some one that had travelled and trekked most of the world about how they were once confronted with an infestation of ants in their tent. We don't realise how bad ants can be here in England. We only have the kind that like to nibble on our jam sandwiches while we're picnicking, but these ants were bullet ants, which can cause excruciating pain with just one bite! Some tribes actually use them as an initiating ceremony for their young men. I prefer the Tequila slammers ceremony for an initiation, myself!

Finally the world of politics seems to have a strange infestation, these days: a swarm of idiots, or "politicians" as they are otherwise known.