Meaningless Drivel

I have written before about things people say that make no sense at all, but we accept these phrases without question. Lots of the more inane sugar-coated types of sayings are happily embraced by certain people, my wife being one of them.

She often asks me to write poems for birthday cards for her friends, with me being a poet type and all. The problem is I write about things that I find funny or things I think others may find funny, but I don't do sentiment. With this in mind, I write poems for her but I make them so sickly sweet that anybody with any sense would see the joke... two of my wife's friends cried with real tears of emotion when reading the poems, thinking them to be so lovely! I must be writing the wrong type of poems, maybe I should switch to verses for cards?

My son and his partner (his Partner) bought my wife what looks like a wooden box with a glass front on it for Christmas. Inside this sealed box is what can only be described as cotton wool, on the front is a sickly sweet sentiment. This sentiment is the most inane thing I have ever read, but no one else seems to have noticed. When I point it out to people they call me the usual stuff, Grinch, moaning old git etc. Everyone except me seems to think it's a lovely sentiment but it just makes no sense to me.

Because someone we love is in Heaven,

There's a little bit of Heaven in our home.

For once I'm not going down the road of no such place as Heaven which, to be honest, is another valid argument, I'm looking at this from the "what a load of bollocks" point of view!

Now let's, for a moment, shut off our brains and agree that there's a Heaven where your loving Gods sends you once they've killed you. The sentiment is still meaningless! If this was to be true then you could just as well say.

Because someone we know is in Batley,

There's a little bit of Batley in our home.

My wife also has a plaque made from pot (clay, not cannabis) which she infuriatingly hangs from one of the wardrobe doors. This thing swings and bangs about each time the door is opened - it is only a matter of time before it breaks and I get the blame! The plaque was given to her by a close friend of hers, this plaque is in the shape of a heart and bears the motif,

Friends are the family you don't have!

I find this strange because most people think,

Family are the friends you don't want!

Is that too much? Have I gone to far? No I haven't - it's just inane nonsense which resonates with people at certain times in their lives. But there are other stupid sayings, such as in the Batman film when the caped crusader looks at the camera and says, in a menacing tone,

To overcome fear you must first become fear!

I may not have quoted it word for word, but that was about it. With that in mind you could also use this logic for lots of things such as,

To overcome flatulence you must first become flatulence!

Who ever wrote that line hadn't really thought it through. But then the Batman franchise, as entertaining as it is, doesn't claim anything only an hour and a half of escapism.

These phrases are just harmless mindless drivel but there is a piece of drivel I have seen written and been quoted many times which is dangerous and stupid,

Guns don't kill people, people kill people!

Yes, usually with a gun, you moron! This is one of the gun lobby's ways of trying to say that guns are safe. Then why do we use them to kill things? When was the last time you heard someone say, “I'm taking up flower arranging. I must buy myself a gun!” Guns are designed to kill, that is the sole purpose of a gun. What about when guns have fallen over and fired a shot, killing someone? Or what about when small children find their parents' guns and play with them? Why don't they try this slogan,

If guns don't kill, then what's their purpose?

Like I say, some people just don't think things through before they speak!