Silly Words!

If, like me, you write for a living, words are the tools of the trade. Writers have different ways to make their words have impact. Some like to keep things short and sharp, even brutal, while others like to elaborate, and use flowery phrases to make a point.

Language is the greatest weapon humans have. Words can soothe, incite, love or hate. Wars have been started because of words, but peace has also been found through words. Lovers court and entice with their illicit promises, while hate-preachers scare with their ignorant bigotry. But what about silly words? What about words that are not in dictionaries, but are just used to amuse the speaker and the listener. I have made a living out of these 'silly words' I litter stories with usages of these words, sometimes just for my own amusement. So I thought I would share a few with you and give you the definitions, so you, too, may use them. I'm not organised enough to work them out in alphabetical order so I shall just put them down as I think of them.

Chiggy Wink:

A wood louse that is found eating rotting wood, often found in houses. It's like the armadillo of the insect world.

Top Box:

Your head, the box where you keep things away from others.

HP7:

A thug, a mindless idiot. These people make a lot of noise and like to be seen, but lack any noticeable intellect due to their brains being powered by HP7 batteries which are very small and not fit for purpose.

Whelk:

This is rather unfair to the innocent molluscs that are eaten by brave or starving individuals (you wouldn't eat one for any other reason). But a whelk is also a low-life, the sort that robs or beats old ladies. It's the worst form of a HP7!

Bungee Snot:

A long slither of snot that shoots from your nose as a result of a sudden sneeze, cough or unexpected joke. It then proceeds to swing with gay abandon above your top lip, like a hypnotist's watch!

Bogey Wig:

Nasal hair, usually found on the ageing male.

Zombie Tongue:

This is the result of to much alcohol or other mind altering substances. Your mouth tries to pronounce words while the tongue wants no part of it, resulting in incomprehensible speech.

Belly Farts:

This is a pastime that fathers and young children take delight in. The parent blows on the child's belly to make the best farting noise he can, while the child laughs themselves insensible. This can also be used by drunken lovers that are too drunk to have sex!

Bingo Wings:

Flaps of skin that hang down from the underside of the arm of women of a certain age. This can be seen in most bingo halls across the land!

Tuppence:

A woman's vagina.

Granny Sporran:

A large flap of fat that hangs down over the fat girl's 'Tuppence'

Fried eggs:

Breasts that no longer have the will to live and have gone flat!

Winkle:

A small penis!

Top Box Duvet:

A comb over, the worst concealment known to humanity. The concealer is under the impression that no one knows that he has combed his hair over his bald patch!

Builders Bum:

This is the amount of flesh shown when an overweight hairy man with ill-fitting trousers bends over!

Astronaut:

Not the type of person that goes into space, but the type of man that refuses to admit that he's lost! This will result in a short journey becoming space miles as he refuses to look at a map or take advice from his spouse!

Brain Donor:

This can also be applied to the 'HP7' or the 'Whelk', but it mainly applies to middle-aged men who think they are irresistible to young attractive women. They will dress inappropriately for their age and also use inappropriate language to young women thinking that this will have them falling at their feet.

Care Worker:

The wife of a brain donor!

Feel free to drop any of these words into your conversations, have fun!