Terminators, Divide And Destroy!

You should never underestimate the British public's love of a good old fashioned bandwagon! They love to jump on to whatever it is the media is telling them to be worried about. One minute it's immigrants, the next it's terrorists, then the unemployed - we all need someone that helps us to take the moral, superior high ground. They react like seals clapping their hands together as the media and the government throw them a few titbits to keep them occupied while they destroy our whole social system.

We have just heard Cameron, talking about finishing off the job Thatcher started in the eighties. He wants to take away the only weapon the unions have in their fight against greedy, selfish employers, the right to strike. The smarmy bastard even went as far as to say, “It's not fair that hard working people are forced to miss a days work!" Is he implying that people in unions are not hard working? What about the greedy employers who have people working on zero-hour contracts? What about them being deprived of a days work? This is the same tactic that Thatcher used, when she told people that the miners were earning far more than the average working man, yet they wanted more! Even though the strike was about pit closures and not pay. Divide and destroy, have the minions fighting each other while they carry on destroying what it has taken us years to build up. Cameron is slowly taking the fabric of our welfare system apart bit by bit. He is making it more or less impossible for people to get welfare when they most need it. He has given the poor a small tax break while stopping their working tax credit, leaving the average family about £1,000 a year worse off, those good honest hard working types that he loves so much. Most of the welfare budget goes on pensions, but he dare not touch them as that is the demographic that stupidly votes the Tories in!

I also see that the Tories are feeding the public their morsels about Boris Johnson, and how he will be their next leader. I saw a book in Waterstone's the other day written by Boris: it was about Churchill, and I thought, how apt, they have so much in common. Both are second-rate politicians, both bullies, both have little or no regard for the working person but both are brilliant self-publicists. After the first world war Churchill was all washed up with his scant disregard to the lives of the soldiers he sent to Gallipoli. He was not taken seriously until the start of the second world war and then it was a toss up between him or Lord Halifax who was to lead the Tories. Throughout the second world war he continued to show little respect for the average soldier, his chiefs of staff often having to change his mind about sending troops on suicide missions. Remember, Churchill admired the Nazis and wanted Britain to align themselves with them right up until 1938. He even said that if Britain fell he hoped a man like Hitler would rise in Britain to lead them.

Talking of Nazis, the Queen was seen giving a Nazi salute when she was a young girl. I cannot believe that I'm going to do this but I feel I must defend her against the charge - she was only a child. If I started to clown around with my grand daughter I could easily get her to give a Nazi salute, even though she is of mixed race, and she wouldn't have a clue what the meaning of this was! The same can be said of the Queen, but not of her mother or that weak-minded fascist, uncle Edward! I see that all the pathetic royal apologists have all been out in force, some saying they were just mocking Hitler, while others were saying that they weren't giving a salute at all, but pointing out into the distance! Edward was a Nazi sympathiser, end of! During the thirties the powers that be knew what Hitler was up to, and the elite (who gave them that title?) had no problem with it. Remember, Mosley had quite a big following here in Britain at one stage in the thirties. Mind you, I think he could still swing a few by-elections here today, if he was still alive.

I see that Jeremy Hunt (what does Hunt rhyme with, children?) is on with dismantling the NHS. It's the consultants' contracts that he is now trying to change. Apparently they don't have to work weekends, even though they do work weekends. They wheeled out a family who had a terrible tale to tell of how they lost their child because there was no consultant to sign to get the child moved to another hospital, this was on a Sunday evening. I have no right to comment on this, as to lose a child is too much for any parent to bear. But I haven't heard of any other families saying the same things. Why don't the over-managed hospitals ensure that there are consultants there at all times? I have lots of family that work in the NHS and it is being decimated by over-zealous management who believe work should be contracted out to the cheapest bidders. Remember the cheapest bidder is just that, cheap! Wards are under-staffed, doctors are over-worked but we do still have lots of managers in the NHS, why?

I see that both the Tories and Labour don't like the SNP being the third largest party. Those terribly nice Lib Dems didn't like to make such a fuss, not so the SNP. I see the media also are constantly trying to attack them. The SNP were voted in by the people of Scotland, they exist to serve the people of Scotland, not Westminster, not lobbyists, but the people who voted for them. How refreshing. Yes, Nicola Sturgeon will do a few dodgy deals but they will be done so the people she represents benefit. Labour were too busy playing the 'you said, we said' politics with the Tories to notice that the whole of Scotland was fed up with them. The SNP are ruffling more than a few feathers for all the right reasons. The only gripe I have with them is that they want to break away from Britain and I cannot see any benefit in this for anyone, the Scots or the rest of Britain.

You have to remember that this government is like the terminator, it will not stop until the poor are back in the total grip of the rich. While you are jumping on your band wagon about the dole scroungers who there seems to be so many programmes on the TV about, remember that social security fraud is just a drop in the ocean compared to the tax evasion of big multi-nationals. When they bang on about bringing in new laws to protect you from those nasty terrorists, remember that it's their policies that created the terrorists in the first place, that and retarded religious beliefs! The laws that are brought in to protect you from the terrorists can be used against you, to quash your freedom of speech and right to believe in what you want. When they talk about wanting to help hard working families, remember that, under this government, hard working families are having to use food banks, while others, here in the north can't be hard working through lack of investment in the economy!

And finally, you know the fuss the media made about those predatory paedophiles, you know the whole of the British entertainment industry from the seventies? Well, why haven't they been as keen to find out just what happened to the dossiers that have gone missing about the MPs that were accused of the same thing? I know I'm becoming quite a bore on this subject, but has anyone heard any more about the accusation of Prince Andrew's alleged assault on a young girl?

Bring Back Spangles!

Mention 'Spangles' to any young person and they think that you are talking 'Vagazzles'! But no, they would be so wrong.  Good old fashioned Spangles are boiled sweets and nothing to do with ladies' squidgy bits!

I was never a great lover of the Spangle, which I think only came in two flavours, Fruit and Old English. Old English was a taste as peculiar as the name by the way. I'm still not sure what the taste was supposed to be. These sweets were the staple diet of old ladies, the type that offered children sweets out in the street without the fear of the police and social services paying them a visit. These old ladies would produce a sweet from their cavernous coat pockets, rub you on the head, then insist that you ate one of their sweets, which were never in their original packets. Some of these sweets, I'm sure, saw action during the second world war!

That's the strange thing about nostalgia; once something has gone, it becomes very appealing. Think about people on diets - they crave cream buns, yet when they are not on diets, they are not bothered? I know people who claim their school days were the best days of their lives, yet they bunked off school at every opportunity.

Going back to the sweets, I used to love cough candy when I was a kid, athough we called them cough sweets. I know you can still buy this, but I don't like it now. But a few years ago, when my father was diagnosed as having terminal cancer and not having long to live, my older brother, John, and I took Dad to Ireland to do the roots thing. Before we set off, I had gone shopping with my wife and had found an old fashioned sweet shop that sold all the old favourite sweets such as sherbet pips, apple tarts, cola cubes and hundreds more. I noticed a jar full of what used to be my favourite sweets, 'voice tablets'. Why these sweets are called this is beyond me, as they are nothing more than flavouring and sugar and I would imagine they'd do more damage than good to your voice if you happened to be a boy soprano. Luckily for me, I don't fall into this category, my voice is more 'obscene phone call' than soprano. I was so pleased to see these sweets and, knowing of my long drive around Ireland, I promptly bought 2lb (a kilo) of these sweets.

We set off a day later on our journey and my father, who loved his sweets, noticed the rather large bag of sweets in the front of the car and promptly asked if he may have one. I handed them back to him without thinking and carried on driving. A few hours later, while driving through Wales on the way to the ferry, I asked my Dad to pass me one of the sweets to which he replied, “what sweets?” 

“The voice tablets” I replied, feeling the need for a sugar rush.

“I can't” he replied quietly.

My heart sunk as he said this, as he was very ill at the time and I genuinely thought some sort of paralysis had set in with him.

“Why can't you pass them?” I replied, trying to control my emotions.

“Because I've eaten them all” he answered.

With this all my concern for his health disappeared, “You greedy bastard, There was 2lb of sweets in that bag, how the fuck have you eaten so many sweets in such a short time? They were supposed to last the whole journey!”

“I love voice tablets, they remind me of my childhood!”

“Don't tell me that Nona bought you 2lb of voice tablets when you were a kid?”

"No she didn't, but had she have done I probably wouldn't have eaten all your sweets now!”

He then spent the rest of the holiday sitting in the back of the car, chuckling to himself like a naughty schoolboy. He regaled every one we met about his Dennis the Menace type raid on my sweet bag.

That is why we should bring back spangles, because they are a throwback to happy times long gone. As for me, I would buy the whole shops stock of voice tablets just to have that time back again with my brother and my father travelling around Ireland. Those sweets for me will forever be a symbol of that time.

Stuff And Nonsense!

I haven't managed to write anything for this blog for quite a while. I have been travelling the length and breadth of the country, visiting shopping centres, theatres, and lots of schools.

If this is the first time you have read any of my blogs, welcome, and where the hell have you been?! I must explain that I am lucky enough not to have a job. I have so much fun and meet so many lovely people. What I do to earn money can't really be described as a job. It is more a passion, but with all passions, sometimes it's very hot, sometimes it cools a little. Having said this it never disappears.

Seeing the response to my work and my comedy is very fulfilling, But the relentless travelling and traffic becomes overbearing at times. It was the hottest day of the year last Wednesday, in fact it was the hottest day ever recorded in Britain. I had spent the day working with the National Literary Trust in a shopping centre in Leicester. I had a brilliant day, The schools that visited were wonderful. The staff and management of the centre were so helpful and made life easy for me. So when I left for home I was in quite good spirits until I hit the M1. There had been a crash and a chemical spillage on the motorway. I left Leicester at 3pm for what should have been a one and a half hour journey home. It took me over six hours to reach home, and this on the hottest day of the year!

I am really lucky to visit lots of schools, both here and abroad. Some, I visit every year. Lots of these schools are wonderful places of learning with hard-working, devoted teachers. We always hear the negatives about members of the teaching profession, but most of them have my utmost admiration. I don't single out any schools as my favourite, because I don't think its fair, but I visited a school on Thursday which I have visited many times. It has to be one of the best schools in the country. Everyone who works in this school, from the cleaning staff right through to the head, has a fantastic ethos about life. The teaching staff are second to none and not only inspire the students but also inspire me working with them.

Having spent so much time around happiness and inclusion and tolerance, it is once again sad to see that one of the weirdy beardy's puppets have gone on a rampage of blind hate, anger and stupidity! The killings in Tunisia have not only ended the lives of innocent people but have brought financial destruction to the country. Tunisia relies heavily on tourism, this action has nearly wiped out their financial lifeline overnight. Why do religious bigots think that suffering and misery are a good thing? Why are they bent on destroying the lives of those who wish to live life differently to them?

Still on the the subject of religious low lifes, I see that yet another Catholic bishop is supposed to stand trial for yet more sexual abuse claims. But guess what? He's fallen ill, so he can't stand trial. How many more paedophiles are going to use the illness route to avoid prosecution? All those in power who have had the allegations laid at their doorsteps either develop a life-changing illness or the evidence mysteriously disappears! While we are on the subject what happened to the case that was levied at Prince Andrew? Has that been dealt with? I have been away for a while but I've not heard about it?

The abuse of children has been a subject that has in the past been brushed under the carpet in this country. Institutional abuse was rife for years. The powers that be, whether they are political or religious, have glossed over the allegations of their own in the past. Now with social media, they are finding it harder and harder to hide their seedy little creeps, so they offer up lower ranking people in their organisations to through the media off the scent of the big names. The 'So vile' case has proven this, how many big names have been brought forward since we found out how many poor young children Jimmy was fixing it for? The authorities were aware of these allegations at the time but did nothing! Shame on them!

On a lighter note, Amongst the highs of my touring which is not yet finished, I have another few weeks left yet.

My performances are all comedy-based and are designed to break down barriers students may have to reading and writing. So I work hard to get as many laughs as possible, whenever I visit a school.

This week at a shopping centre in Manchester while working for the National Literacy Trust, a group of school kids were laughing and were quite boisterous. I noticed a young lad sitting just in front of where I was placed: he looked quite perplexed. I had worked hard to get the audience on my side when, after half an hour, in a loud voice, he turned to his friend next to him and asked, “Is this supposed to be funny?”

Also last week my beautiful little granddaughter, Harleigh came to stay. She sleeps over at our house every Sunday night, and stays Monday. Both my wife and I look forward to her visits as we both dote on her. Usually Harleigh, who is only two and a half years old, likes to take her favourite book up to bed with her. We both lie in bed and read the book while eating fresh toast and drinking green tea. This ritual has become a must for both little Harleigh and myself on Sunday evenings. The books we normally read are Old MacDonald, where we have to find animals and numbers, and another book which was her father's favourite book when he was little, 'Andrews Bath'. This book tells of little Andrew's first bath without his parents and contains the line, “Get up them stairs to that bath!” this is Harleigh's favourite bit as she gets all excited and stand up in bed and shouts it out.

Last week I thought I would introduce Harleigh to one of my books. My most famous book is called 'The Spot On My Bum' which contains a poem by the same name. This poem is quite famous and has kids of all ages laughing when they hear it. So I read the poem to her (I don't know why I read it, I wrote it and have recited it for over seventeen years). Little Harleigh listened with intent then, when I had finished, hoping for the happiness and recognition all us needy writer types crave, little Harleigh looked at me and said, “Not read silly book Babo, read good book!” and then snatch my book from my hands and replaced it with Old MacDonald! Children have a way of keeping your feet firmly on the ground!