Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Invasion Of The Buddy Snatchers!

Age is a funny thing. Well, it's funny if you have a warped sense of humour! The ageing process is something that you can easily see in others, but not in yourself.

I have, of late, met quite a few people from my dim and distant past, with quite a few surprises. Even while having a chat with a close friend the other day, I was quite surprised to hear just how age is catching up with him. You see, when you are young you are invincible, and illness is something that other people have. You have the ability to abuse your body, only for it to bounce back the next day looking for yet more abuse. When you get older, your body starts to remind you just what an abusive master you were. Bits that had worked perfectly without any concern suddenly decide that they no longer want anything to do with you and stop working. While other body parts such as hairs migrate from the top of your head to your ears and nostrils.

I have to own up to being quite abusive to my body in the past, but I have always exercised and taken time to be nice to it from time to time, where some of my friends liked to make the donkey work! The friend I mentioned earlier has had a couple of heart attacks and has now been forced to change his life style, but it has still taken its toll on him. In the past both he and I have spent not only whole evenings but whole days and nights drinking and smoking and eating crap food while doing stupid stunts that put us in the local accident and emergency departments. He now finds it hard to walk more than a few hundred yards.

I have to admit that I like breasts, busters, boobies, norkes what ever you want to call them. I like the way they hang, the feel of them and the whole aesthetics of them, but I don't want them on me! I like them on women, that way I can really appreciate them. The friend I have just spoken about seems to have developed a pair of double 'D' cups that any glamour model would be proud of. I'm beginning to think I have got off quite lightly. My eyesight is getting a bit dodgy and my hair has turned white and is starting to thin at the front but I'm still boob-free and, as yet, no illnesses.

I saw a woman in the local supermarket the other week, she came over to me for a chat. I had no idea just who this woman was, but I never do know who people are, I meet so many. She started to chat about things and once the "how are you?" and "it's been nasty weather" side of the British greetings were finished, she started to talk about school days. This always worries me because I remember very few people from my school days, mainly because my school days were spent down by a local river swimming and causing problems for others. 

I started the usual scan in my head of possibilities of who she could be. She was small and fat her hair was thinning and grey. She seemed to have had more than her fair share of visits from the tooth fairy. I think I counted two teeth bobbing about in her cavernous mouth. Her flesh had the quality of autumn leaves before the rain, veined , wrinkled and dry, with a hint of yellow. It was safe to say she didn't moisturise. As she spoke, I was at a total loss to just who she could be until she told me the sad news about another person that I was at school with who had died recently. I wasn't a friend as such of this man but I did know him to say "hello" to. She then added just what a shock it was to her when she heard of his passing, with her going out with him through out her school years! I nearly choked when she said this. 

The man she spoke about was the really cool lad at school, he was the lad that all the girls fancied and the boys hated. He was a few years older than me, so I didn't really know much about him except his girlfriend was regarded by all the lads in the school as the most beautiful girl in the school. She was small, and slim, with long blonde hair. She was incredibly attractive and had the best set of boobies a young man could gaze upon in his early years. This vision of beauty now stood in front of me looking like an escapee from Macbeth! What in the name of google had happened to her in the years since leaving school? Just what the fuck had she been up to? Actually the amount of grandchildren she had snapping around her ankles was probably a clue. She was quite pleasant company, and even said just how well I looked. Obviously I repaid the compliment, so we were both a couple of lying bastards.

But the saddest of all things about ageing is something I encountered a couple of days ago and is something I can't get out of my mind, it has upset me so much.

When I first left school, legally, many years ago and got my first job, I worked with a man who was in his mid 'forties. He was a short heavily built man with an enormous amount of strength. He would smoke a brand of cigarettes known as Capstan Full Strength. These were also known as "coffin nails" because of how strong they were. This man had lots of charm, and a wit that could slice paper, it was so sharp. His intellect was that of someone who was surely in the wrong place of work. He, like a lot of people, was a victim of his birth, and found it hard to break free from the shackles of poverty. But I loved this man's company. He always told me to get out of the the job I was in and go explore the world, which I did. I had met him a few times since over the years. Once we met at a mutual friend's party, which ended in one of those spontaneous nights where you drink, laugh and feel happy with the world.

The other day I met him in the town centre. He was walking with a stick, and his body shook as he tried to walk. His once powerful body had dwindled to a fraction of its old self. His hair had long gone and he held on to to the arm of his wife, the woman he was devoted to for sixty years. To be honest it was his wife that I recognised, as he looked so different. I went over to say my hellos and was shocked by just how much he had deteriorated. He looked through me, not acknowledging that I was there. There was no sign of the rapier wit or the sparkle of the eye, just an old empty shell standing before me. His wife told me that he had suffered from Alzheimer's for quite a while now, and it had robbed her of the man she loved. He was now living in a care home and she visited him each day to take him out and to be with him. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't know who I was. I said my goodbyes to her and gave him a hug which he didn't appreciate, then walked away. I had to go back to my car, as tears were rolling down my face at this cruel twist of life.

So cherish your true friends, keep them close, live life to the full and when the reaper calls I hope you still have all of what you came into the world with!

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