Bruce Lee Killed Elvis!

The above heading was told to me with a complete straight face by a twenty-something-year-old.

He had been told by a friend of a friend who knew someone who had spoken to someone who had worked in the Pentagon who knew someone who had worked on a project to recruit assassins for the CIA.

He told me in confidence, and I promised not to tell anyone else, so keep this quiet, that the CIA had a program in the 'seventies to recruit people who they could then use to kill their enemies around the world.

Seemingly bombing and napalming them wasn’t as effective as sending in an overweight singer!

Bruce, I have been informed, was one of many stars whose death was faked by the government of the time. These stars were then trained to be highly effective killers. Bruce Lee was the government's leading killer because (as we all know) of his exceptional martial arts skills.

The government later tried to recruit the then rather portly Elvis to their crack team of assassins, but Elvis refused. Not only did he refuse but he threatened to blow the lid on this deathly enterprise, he was a human and not a machine with a ‘Wooden Heart’.

All though Elvis was ‘All Shook Up’ about this he said he was just a ‘Guitar Man’ and couldn’t live his life with ‘Suspicious Minds’. This made Elvis himself a target for the assassins; they couldn’t let him live, now that he knew their secret.

A few months’ later Bruce Lee snook into Graceland ‘alla Ninja stylie’ and used a poison dart to kill Elvis as he sat on the toilet taking a dump! (If this was true, with hindsight, I don’t think Elvis would have made a good assassin).

So there you have it, think of all the famous people who have died recently, they may be now just undercover agents…. Why don’t people think these conspiracy theories through?!

Firstly Bruce Lee is dead, and I know that his death in itself is open to lots of theories. But if you wanted to have a killer who could walk among us un-noticed why the hell would you chose the most recognisable faces on the planet to do it?

At the time of his death, Elvis was probably the most famous man on the planet. When he died my grandmother thought Frank Sinatra was the new pop sensation, but even she knew who Elvis was.

And we all saw the sad images of an overweight bloating man who was once regarded as the most handsome man in the world. Why the hell would they want a man who was too fat to get off the toilet to be one of their elite team?

I was once on holiday in Malta when an American warship docked. Some of the marines on board took to the shore for a little ‘R &R’. Trust me when I say that  the Americans already had people they could use as killing machines.

And what truly makes all this conspiracy theory a load of nonsense is that I’ve just been shopping down at my local supermarket, and there down the frozen pizza aisle was only Elvis himself! He’s not even dead, he’s alive and well and living in Huddersfield.

So can we now please stop all these stupid conspiracy theories?!